Status

I am still proud to say that I have not had a panic attack. It has been well over a year now and the fear of panic no longer plagues my life. I now consider myself a true success story. 

Ten years ago, none of this was even in my sights. I hadn't a worry in the world (aside from the usual... Not being able to pay my bills, struggling with college, and tuition.) One of many things that actually makes me grateful for this battle with anxiety is this. I am now able to see those old problems for what they were; inconsequential and trivial. In recent times I have faced problems every bit as troubling, if not much more so. Yet I have now learned to keep my composure and strength. 

In the past year (panic attack free year), I have gone through divorce, changed jobs, and relocated to an entire new state. Any one of these factors can be stressful on their own. I am not a prideful person, but I do feel immense pride in my ability to handle this all with grace and dignity. But I do not forget that I learned much of this composure through my struggles with anxiety. I would not be the man that I am today without those challenges.

Just two years ago I was at a very extreme low. Anxiety had overwhelmed my life. I was scared every time I left my home. I had panic attacks while driving and was terrified of entering a busy road or highway. It was also getting to a point where I would begin to panic at work or even at home. My world was shrinking, closing in on itself, and it seemed there was no way to reverse this. It kept getting worse by the day. I had hit bottom. I no longer saw a future. I was unable to enjoy life. Thoughts of suicide were there. It did seem like the easiest way to end the pain. I simply am not selfish enough to do that to the people who love me. And now for those people I am forever grateful. For now I again see how much potential my life has.

I now appreciate things more. I see life's problems in perspective. And a major key to this all is that while I would hate to break my "win streak", I do realize that it's not the end of the world if I do. The ultimate enemy of the anxious person is simply the fear of fear itself. If you do not fear panic attacks, they simply will not happen. 

The extreme challenge is to break down the difference between telling yourself you do not fear and actually believing it. Frantically willing yourself to not be afraid of the panic attack will work about as well as excitedly hoping for sleep the night before a big test or event. We've all been there. The more you try to sleep, the harder it is. But if you can recall a time you have willingly tried to stay up all night, it felt almost impossible to keep your eyes open. Anxiety works much the same way. The harder you fight it, the more it comes on. 

The key lies in opposite action. If you feel anxious, acting anxious will only lead to more anxiety. Acting calm, however, will point you in the direction of calm. But that calm has to felt. This is something that requires practice. I suggest trying in lower pressure situations at first. 

Anyway, this started off as a simple status report and ended up a full-blown post. I do not find time to post often lately, but I do love to try and help when I can. My inspiration for this blog has always been the memory of those first few days after my first panic attack. I was confused and terrified. As I've chronicled here, it did not immediately improve from there. I saw some very low valleys in life. I have ow again learned to see the mountain tops, and if I can help just one person out of that mess it is all worth the effort.

ANY questions or concerns can be emailed to me and I would love to respond. Also please see my Facebook page and twitter account. 

Brief Update

My anxiety has been much better recently. I had been experiencing some setbacks lately, partly due to stress from a new job and adjusting to divorced life, partly due to poor self-maintenance. But I am still happy and proud to report no panic attacks! I do feel confident that the panic attack chapter of my life is behind me. What a relief that is!

I am feeling much more confident again as I am getting life back on track. Spring coming around always has a positive effect on me. It is here in full force in South Carolina, reminding me why I made some of the life choices that I have. Overall, while I still my moments where anxiety sneaks up on me a bit, I feel I now have a supreme understanding of it. This gives me a lot of confidence in the face of anxiety, and I no longer fear it the way I used to. It has gone from a great white shark to maybe a Rottweiler.

I don't have the time that I would like to devote to this blog and to sharing my experiences with others, but I sincerely want to thank everyone who has supported me along the way. A supportive community of understanding has gone a long way to helping me to grow and overcome.

I cannot personally thank everyone, as there have been so many who have helped me through this amazing (often terrifying but rewarding in the end) journey. But I do want to offer thanks to those who have been there for me. These people are listed frequently on my blog if you explore around. I have found epic help from some of the books and video/audio programs listed under my resources tab. I assure you, I do not recommend lightly. The same goes for my blog roll. Every blog listed there comes from a person who has offered me, personally, fantastic advice and support. Please support these people, not for them, not for me, but for YOU. They share the same motivations as me, to help others.

I don't want to overstate things...and do not misunderstand, my journey is far from done. I realize that. This is no victory celebration. Anxiety is just a part of who I am, and of what I will go through in the entire journey that is life. That journey is far from over, and if I allow myself to forget the lessons taught in this most recent chapter of my life, I will surely repeat the same woeful times. I realize that and remain hole and focused.

Lastly. I want to leave you with two things. If you get nothing else from this useless rant off of a blog post, please get these two things.

-be positive and love your life. Do not take things for granted. If you are reading this post, you enjoy aspects of life that millions in this world can not even begin to dream of. Adopting an attitude of gratitude can go a long way in life.

-PLEASE do not hesitate to reach out to me. I love to offer support for anyone going through the struggles of mental illness. This is why I maintain this blog. I suffered immensely during my earlier years with anxiety before finding help. If I can provide support that helps someone to avoid unnecessary pain and suffering from mental illness, this is all worth it. My contact info is available under the contact tab on this blog.

Much Love!

Smashing Social Stigmas

A topic I have been thinking a lot about lately is the social stigma associated with mental illness such as anxiety or depression.

I look back on my own experiences with anxiety and panic disorder. The social stigma (or my perception of it) did a lot of harm to me. It increased my anxiety, because I was always afraid of what people would think of me if they found out what was going on inside of me. It also set me back a lot in my recovery. I delayed seeking help for a tremendously long time because I was afraid to talk anyone about it. I did not think anyone would understand. I was afraid people would label me as crazy or unstable.

I have created a partner blog project called Stigma Smash with the intent of increasing open discussion of mental illness and mental health related issues and thereby smash social stigmas associated with them. The first step to doing this is to encourage people not to be ashamed of their mental illness.

Studies have shown that 50% of adults will experience some sort of mental health issue in their lifetime. So I think you'll find people to be more understanding that you think. Chances are very good that anyone you come across knows someone who has a mental illness, or has dealt with this themselves!

Please show your support and get out and talk about your mental illness so that we can create a more open environment where people won't be discouraged from getting the help that they need! Please take the time to view my partner blog, Stigma Smash. Also follow on twitter @StigmaSmash and spread the twitter love with hashtag #stigmasmash. Thank you for your help to Smash these stigmas!