How "A Life Less Anxious" Truly Changed My Life!!

It has now been a full 2 years since my last panic attack! Whether you have been following me all along or just today stumbled upon my blog, I want to say "thank you!" The large outpouring of support I have received since first engaging and becoming involved with the mental health community online has really helped me. My readers have kept me going and I seek to now offer support to others. I know how terrifying it can be to be in the grips of panic attacks and generalized anxiety. It's a scary place and it can be a lonely place.

 Now, I want to share with my readers something that I consider to be the first key to surviving and defeating my panic attacks. I have read tons of books and ebooks, listened to countless audio programs, watched many videos, even taken some medications and I've seen doctors. I have tried a lot of things over the years to help me rid myself of panic attacks. It was A Life Less Anxious by Steve Pavilanis that truly changed me, turned the tides for me, and helped me to get my life back.

One of the coolest things about this program is that it does not have the "clinical" feel of having been written by a doctor or phsychologist. That's because it wasn't. Steve Pavilanis is a regular guy with a regular problem- crippling anxiety and panic attacks. Anxiety and panic can definitely cause a lonely feeling. It often seems as if others just don't get it. Starting off reading this book, I had a lot of "this could have been written by me" moments. A lot of the experiences and thoughts that he relates to his battles with panic attacks were so similar to my own. This made me feel a lot less alone and gave me some confidence back as I progressed deeper into the program. I read this book almost religiously every night and had trouble putting it down. (This also helped calm some of the anxious feelings I often felt as I was trying to go to sleep).  

"Now, it's great and all that he's a cool guy, but does he know what he's talking about?" Yes! That's the best part, the author is extremely intelligent and does a fantastic job of tying those real-world experiences in with practical applications that make a difference. I don't know where I'd be if I had not read A Life Less Anxious.

I can truly say that it changed my life. I owe a lot of my success that I now celebrate to this program. I still use a lot of the fundamental teachings of A Life Less Anxious on a regular basis today. I strongly urge anyone who is fighting the fight with anxiety and panic attacks to try A Life Less Anxious!  You can take your life back today and start living again!

Thank you again for following and I wish you the best of success!

 -Aaron

Status

I am still proud to say that I have not had a panic attack. It has been well over a year now and the fear of panic no longer plagues my life. I now consider myself a true success story. 

Ten years ago, none of this was even in my sights. I hadn't a worry in the world (aside from the usual... Not being able to pay my bills, struggling with college, and tuition.) One of many things that actually makes me grateful for this battle with anxiety is this. I am now able to see those old problems for what they were; inconsequential and trivial. In recent times I have faced problems every bit as troubling, if not much more so. Yet I have now learned to keep my composure and strength. 

In the past year (panic attack free year), I have gone through divorce, changed jobs, and relocated to an entire new state. Any one of these factors can be stressful on their own. I am not a prideful person, but I do feel immense pride in my ability to handle this all with grace and dignity. But I do not forget that I learned much of this composure through my struggles with anxiety. I would not be the man that I am today without those challenges.

Just two years ago I was at a very extreme low. Anxiety had overwhelmed my life. I was scared every time I left my home. I had panic attacks while driving and was terrified of entering a busy road or highway. It was also getting to a point where I would begin to panic at work or even at home. My world was shrinking, closing in on itself, and it seemed there was no way to reverse this. It kept getting worse by the day. I had hit bottom. I no longer saw a future. I was unable to enjoy life. Thoughts of suicide were there. It did seem like the easiest way to end the pain. I simply am not selfish enough to do that to the people who love me. And now for those people I am forever grateful. For now I again see how much potential my life has.

I now appreciate things more. I see life's problems in perspective. And a major key to this all is that while I would hate to break my "win streak", I do realize that it's not the end of the world if I do. The ultimate enemy of the anxious person is simply the fear of fear itself. If you do not fear panic attacks, they simply will not happen. 

The extreme challenge is to break down the difference between telling yourself you do not fear and actually believing it. Frantically willing yourself to not be afraid of the panic attack will work about as well as excitedly hoping for sleep the night before a big test or event. We've all been there. The more you try to sleep, the harder it is. But if you can recall a time you have willingly tried to stay up all night, it felt almost impossible to keep your eyes open. Anxiety works much the same way. The harder you fight it, the more it comes on. 

The key lies in opposite action. If you feel anxious, acting anxious will only lead to more anxiety. Acting calm, however, will point you in the direction of calm. But that calm has to felt. This is something that requires practice. I suggest trying in lower pressure situations at first. 

Anyway, this started off as a simple status report and ended up a full-blown post. I do not find time to post often lately, but I do love to try and help when I can. My inspiration for this blog has always been the memory of those first few days after my first panic attack. I was confused and terrified. As I've chronicled here, it did not immediately improve from there. I saw some very low valleys in life. I have ow again learned to see the mountain tops, and if I can help just one person out of that mess it is all worth the effort.

ANY questions or concerns can be emailed to me and I would love to respond. Also please see my Facebook page and twitter account. 

The Other Side of Things

I vividly remember sitting on my bathroom floor, staring at the wall. The world was looking dark as can be. I was in the midst of a bout with a panic attack in my own home. Anxiety was tearing apart my life. I was essentially unable to leave home on my own without panicking. I wasn't eating right, or much at all. I wasn't sleeping well. I felt horrible about the toll this was taking on my relationship with my wife. I was depending on her for so much and that was not fair to her. I was positive that all of my career and life goals were now about as attainable as riding a dolphin to the moon. And I was quite sure that a normal life was surely beyond my reach. There didn't seem to be much point in anything.This was less than a year ago.

It was at that point, while sitting on my bathroom floor, that something dawned on me. Something that would change my life forever. As I was trying to dig through the gloomy haze of panic and find something to drag me up off of that floor, I thought about the future. I realized it was still there. Despite all of the pain I could still not see there not being a future. And something occurred to me. It was the thought that if I could get through THIS, the most impossible challenge I have ever faced in life, nothing could stop me. If I can find the strength to get up off that floor and go on, what other obstacles could possibly be waiting out there for me that are going to be tougher than this? Is a day at work going to present challenges that I can't handle? Surely not, if I can get through this.

I look at this day as the turning point in my battle with anxiety. I had hit my rock bottom. There wasn't anywhere left to go but up. I'd love to say that I just stood up, dusted myself off, and never looked back, but of course it wasn't that easy. There were bumps, hurdles, and setbacks all along the way and it was a slow and sometimes painful journey. But I've kept with it, and this vision of the future that came to on the floor that day has been what has gotten me through the hard times. I had resolved that I was going to see this through so that I could become the better, stronger person that I would never have been able to become without having this adversity put in my path.

Now I am still on this journey. I still live with anxiety. But it doesn't hinder me in my everyday life any longer. It simply reminds me to take care of myself and keep on moving. It's not nearly as debilitating as it once was and I am well on my way to achieving those dreams that were hatched that day on the floor in my bathroom. I'm on the other side of things.











"What if it were true that you weren't so blue?
And you felt like you could just do anything?

We're facing the sunset, and for a moment it
looks like it's rising, and we are on the other side of things."
-311 

Forgiveness: Part Two

Forgiving Yourself!

The most important person to be able to forgive is yourself. You can avoid others if you harbor resentment and hurt feelings, but you're stuck with you. Wherever you go, there you are! So it is important to let go of your mistakes, let go of regret, and forgive yourself.

You cannot change your past actions any more than you can change the actions of another. You have to find a way to come to peace with them and move on. Everyone makes mistakes. They're in the past though, so take whatever lessons you can learn from them, and leave them in the past where they belong.

Making Ammends

Sometimes doing something to "make things right" can help you to feel better about yourself and move on with your life. A charitable action, a gift, a good deed, or even a simple apology could help. But don't take it too far. You could spend your whole life trying to "make things right" if you let yourself get wrapped up. Allow yourself one shot, whatever it is, and then dust off your hands and call it a day.

An Effective Apology

I've been going through a particularly rough time lately with my pending divorce. During the first few days, I was a wreck. I lashed out towards some people who did not deserve it. When I had some time to think more clearly, I felt awful for my hurtful actions. I decided an apology was in order, so I wrote an apology letter. A very effective one, both for making the other people realize that I am sincere and for making me feel at peace with the situation once again.

The keys to an effective apology:

NO EXPECTATIONS! You won't get the peace of mind you want and you will not come through as sincere if you create your apology expecting some sort of action or response from the other party. Just apologize and leave the rest up to them.

HAND-WRITTEN- If you're trying to apologize to someone, there's a good chance they aren't happy to hear from you. A phone call can be ignored, an e-mail or text easily deleted, and in-person interactions can spiral out of control. A hand-written letter is unique in this day and age. If someone sends you a handwritten letter, you will read it.

ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS- Do not simply address the actions. This will come off as the forced playground apology. "I'm sorry I pushed you down...(reluctantly with mom scowling over). Take a little time to address how your actions may have affected this person. How do they feel? Address their feelings in the apology letter.

ADDRESS YOUR FEELINGS- Let them know that these actions have affected you as well. They must have, if you were so motivated to write an apology letter, but you must let them know how.

OFFER NO DEFENSE- You being defensive will only bring their defenses back up. Are you looking for their forgiveness or are you still trying to make them see things from your point of view?

After sending this letter, following these guidelines, I did not receive a response. I did not expect one, and I made that clear in the letter. I saw these people for the first time since all of this today, however, and received a heartfelt hug and a solid handshake. They expressed how much they appreciated the note I had sent. A little apology goes a long way to make everyone feel better, as long as it's truly meant. I'm sure I will never see them again, and that's fine. I think we all have come to peace here.

Forgiveness: It's More Than Saying "Sorry"

Rebellion done for it's own sake

does not a true free thinker make.

To go against for it's own sake

you're still controlled by the course that the other man takes

-Nick Hexum

 Regret and anger are often common themes in the lives of people who suffer from anxiety or depression. Another way to take a look at these would be as lack of forgiveness for yourself or lack of forgiveness for someone else. Any way you look at it, holding on to grudges, whether toward yourself or someone else, is not a healthy way to live. Letting go of those grudges and regret will help you to become a stronger and happier person.

The reasons why we withhold our forgiveness:

The main reason why people withhold their forgiveness is because they feel the other person doesn't deserve it. Well, you have to get that out of your head. The forgiveness is not for them. It is for you. Their life will go on with or without your forgiveness, will yours? You have to be willing to let go of the hurt and anger for you, so that you can move on with your life.

Holding that grudge is often an exercise of control. You say to yourself something like "I won't forgive them until they apologize" or until they do something to make amends with you or maybe just stop what it is they are doing that has you so worked up in the first place. You feel that if you give them that forgiveness, you lose all power in the situation. In fact, the exact opposite is true! You aren't controlling them with that grudge. They are controlling you. You actually have no control in this situation. You are allowing their actions to dictate how you move on with your life. (Trying to control the uncontrollable things in life is a MAJOR source of anxiety as well) Once you are able to truly forgive, you will feel better, regardless of the actions of another. THAT is power.

Now, I realize it's not always that easy. Some actions are easier to forgive than others. Forgive and forget is not realistic. You don't need to forget in order to forgive, simply move on. You must remember the things that caused you to be angry or upset (whether towards someone else or yourself) in order to make changes to avoid the same things in the future. Some of the more serious offenses will take time to forgive, but until you let go of depending on someone else to initiate that process, it won't happen and you won't be able to heal.

I have a job interview to prepare for right now so I will continue tomorrow with discussing HOW TO FORGIVE YOURSELF and why it is so important.

Positive Spin Part One!

Just a quick tidbit of positivity for a Saturday evening...

This is just an excerpt from a discussion I had about medication for anxiety. I suddenly got the urge to share because I realized how much this helped me when I was in this person's shoes...


The medicine just helps to make it easier not to have anxiety or depression (ideally), but there's no "magic pill." You also have to change the way you live and the way you think. It's a tough challenge, but I think you'll end up feeling like a better and stronger person when you get through it. I mean really, as depressing as all of it can be at the bottom (I know, I've been there...), seeing how HUGE of an obstacle it all seems now... just about every test you're put up to in your life AFTER anxiety/depression will seem like a walk in the park. You've lost your life, but you're going to get it back. And when you do you're going to have so much more appreciation for it. The first panic/anxiety-less day will seem brighter, happier, and more full of possibilities than any day before... Sorry, I did not intend for my reply to be so full of cheese, but really some positive spin can go a long way.

Public Speaking: Oh My!

“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” ~ Jerry Seinfeld 


“There are only two types of speakers in the world. 1. The nervous and 2. Liars.” ~ Mark Twain



Yesterday at work I was asked to give a speech. It had been a while since I had been asked to speak in front of a large group. I had kind of forgotten just how scary it can be! Having an anxiety disorder, I was definitely apprehensive. I was worried that I would forget my lines and look like a fool. I could say something dumb and be the joke of the workplace for weeks. As soon as it was announced that we all would have to give speeches, these thoughts started going through my head. My palms got wet and my mouth got dry. That familiar anxious feeling.

We broke for an extended lunch, giving us all time to prepare our speeches. Talking with some of the others as we left for lunch, I quickly realized that everyone was nervous about this, not just me. Some were even more nervous than I was. Oddly, this made me feel quite a bit better about it. Even the seemingly very outgoing and ultra-confident people in the group expressed that they were nervous as well. So if I stumble a little bit, it's not really a big deal. Other people are going to stumble as well, get a case of the "uhh"'s, or have the most witty, clever line they spent their whole lunch coming up with just float away into thin air as soon as they get up in front of the group. It happens.

Realizing this was a huge relief to me. I opted to scrap my note cards and just go a more extemporaneous route. The subject matter wasn't really tough. I got everything worked out in my head and was pretty confident in the material by the time I headed back to work. The anticipation however was another matter. As the time to start the speeches approached, the nerves got worse. My heart started beating faster. I started to sweat more. The lines that I had all worked out in my head began to blur together in my head more and more as time went on. I just wanted to get my speech over with. I had decided to go first, so that I could I relax with ease while the rest of the speeches commenced, but I was beaten to the punch.

The first person to go up did a great job. She still set the bar really high. Great. It was a tough act to follow, but I took a deep breath and stood up to go second. Most of the next few minutes is a hazy, distant, dream-like memory, even though it was just yesterday. I think anxiety is funny that way. It has an ability to dampen your perceptions. Although I don't remember it well, I know I did fine. I lost my train of thought at some points, but quickly picked it back up, without standing there looking like a fool. I got my point across. There was no laughter when I was finished, just the usual obligatory applause.

The feeling that you feel after you sit back in your chair after giving that ever intimidating speech is priceless! All the anxiety and nervousness just washes away. Everyone gets nervous about public speaking. Even people who you think don't appear nervous probably are. Stand-up comedians, ministers, actors, teachers, motivational speakers, TV personalities. We're all just people, and we all get nervous.

“I was sitting there hoping they wouldn’t call my name – because the idea of having to give a speech in front of everyone in the world is terrifying.” — Reese Witherspoon, on her anxiety before winning the 2006 Oscar for Best Actress for “Walk the Line.”

One of the main things that worries people about public speaking is simply the fact that their nervousness will show. We are afraid that other people will see that we are nervous. But everybody gets nervous about public speaking, so there shouldn't be any fear that somehow people will catch on your act and lose respect for you. They already know that you're nervous. If your audience was in the same situation as you, having to give that speech, they would be a nervous wreck too. We naturally tend not to realize that other people can feel the same way we do in these situations.

Anxiety has a tendency to distort our perspective on things. Generally, in public speaking situations, people tend to overestimate how apparent the symptoms of their stage-fright are to others, and to not really notice those same symptoms in other people. After a previous public speaking appearance, a much longer speech in front of a much larger audience, I was told later by many people that they could not tell I was nervous at all. I had felt like a complete wreck. I was kept up at night over the anticipation of this speech. My heart was absolutely trying to leap out of my chest all throughout the speech. I thought I must have appeared a fool, yet nobody was the wiser. That is how distorted my perception was!

Public speaking is tough. No matter who you are, it's tough. That's why more people list glossophobia (the fear of public speaking) as their number one fear than do necrophobia (the fear of death). But it's a fact of life and an obstacle that most of us have to overcome at some point in our lives. You just have to realize that it's not that bad. Your worst thoughts about it aren't going to actually happen. Your speech won't be the talk around the water-cooler for weeks to come. It will be fine, and you will feel better and stronger for having done it.

Anxiety Resources

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! HELP IS OUT THERE!

 Many anxiety sufferers report feeling extremely alone and confused. This contributes greatly to the problem. The fact is it is not as uncommon as you probably think. Everyone thinks they are the only one because nobody ever talks about it. Approximately 6 million American adults ages 18 and older, or about 2.7 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have panic disorder. There are many more out there like you. People who can relate to your experiences. People who can help.

Being able to talk about my anxiety has been key to my recovery. I am fortunate to have a wonderfully supportive family. I started there. Anxiety disorders can often be hereditary in nature. By discussing this with my family, I found that my mother had battled with the same thing throughout my childhood. I had no idea. She was able to offer me great insight into this. I consider that day, talking with my mother about this, to be a turning point.

I have also found help online. The Anxiety Zone is a great forum for people with anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety, agoraphobia, OCD, phobias or depression. Daily Strength also offers discussion forums. There are many blogs, websites, books, and even videos on YouTube sharing personal experiences with anxiety disorders. Many areas even have anxiety and panic groups who gather to discuss and share.

 Help is out there, so don't give up.

Here are some suggested resources:

A Life Less Anxious

The Charles Linden Method
Stigma Smash on Facebook
NIMH
Panic Facts

Road Trip!

Driving, particularly on highways, has been my biggest challenge since I began dealing with panic disorder. Although my first panic attack happened at home while I was getting ready for work, almost every one since has happened while behind the wheel. At my worst point, I would even start to panic in the drive-through or while sitting at a traffic light. I've had full-blown panic attacks while driving down streets with no traffic at all.  Going to and from work was a daily challenge and I did not venture anywhere if it was not absolutely necessary. This was just a few months ago.

Since then, thanks to medication, and with the help of lifestyle changes and changing the way I think, I have made tremendous strides that I am excited to share here. I made the 3.5 hour highway drive to go the beach the other day! Only people who have experienced anxiety and panic or been close with someone who has could understand how big of a feat this could be. Having once spent months taking the scenic route to work every day to avoid a 2 mile stretch of Keystone Avenue, driving 215 miles on interstate highways is a major step for me!

To anyone out there sitting at the bottom, feeling trapped, scared, and hopeless, please realize there is hope out there! You just have to be persistent and keep a positive outlook and you will beat this thing!




If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you'll die a lot of times.  ~Dean Smith