MisdirectedAnxiety.com

I am in the process of transitioning to a new domain. I've decided to buy my own domain and hosting for Misdirected Anxiety and will be working diligently to get it set up over the next few days.

I will still keep this blog alive as well.

Stay tuned! Thanks for your support!

-Aaron




UPDATED!

www.misdirectedanxiety.com is now alive and kicking! Please check it out!

How "A Life Less Anxious" Truly Changed My Life!!

It has now been a full 2 years since my last panic attack! Whether you have been following me all along or just today stumbled upon my blog, I want to say "thank you!" The large outpouring of support I have received since first engaging and becoming involved with the mental health community online has really helped me. My readers have kept me going and I seek to now offer support to others. I know how terrifying it can be to be in the grips of panic attacks and generalized anxiety. It's a scary place and it can be a lonely place.

 Now, I want to share with my readers something that I consider to be the first key to surviving and defeating my panic attacks. I have read tons of books and ebooks, listened to countless audio programs, watched many videos, even taken some medications and I've seen doctors. I have tried a lot of things over the years to help me rid myself of panic attacks. It was A Life Less Anxious by Steve Pavilanis that truly changed me, turned the tides for me, and helped me to get my life back.

One of the coolest things about this program is that it does not have the "clinical" feel of having been written by a doctor or phsychologist. That's because it wasn't. Steve Pavilanis is a regular guy with a regular problem- crippling anxiety and panic attacks. Anxiety and panic can definitely cause a lonely feeling. It often seems as if others just don't get it. Starting off reading this book, I had a lot of "this could have been written by me" moments. A lot of the experiences and thoughts that he relates to his battles with panic attacks were so similar to my own. This made me feel a lot less alone and gave me some confidence back as I progressed deeper into the program. I read this book almost religiously every night and had trouble putting it down. (This also helped calm some of the anxious feelings I often felt as I was trying to go to sleep).  

"Now, it's great and all that he's a cool guy, but does he know what he's talking about?" Yes! That's the best part, the author is extremely intelligent and does a fantastic job of tying those real-world experiences in with practical applications that make a difference. I don't know where I'd be if I had not read A Life Less Anxious.

I can truly say that it changed my life. I owe a lot of my success that I now celebrate to this program. I still use a lot of the fundamental teachings of A Life Less Anxious on a regular basis today. I strongly urge anyone who is fighting the fight with anxiety and panic attacks to try A Life Less Anxious!  You can take your life back today and start living again!

Thank you again for following and I wish you the best of success!

 -Aaron

Suicide

Youth Suicide Statistics

• Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for ages 10-24. (2010 CDC WISQARS)
• Suicide is the THIRD leading cause of death for college-age youth and ages 12-18. (2010 CDC WISQARS)

More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease, COMBINED 





This is epically sad to me. I know the pain and despair that would make someone want to end it all. Now I know for sure that there are many others who have experienced far worse than anything than anything that I could even imagine. I won't try to diminish these experiences or the effects that they may have on the human being.


I will say, that while I may have never experienced the load of pain and sadness that can be inflicted by those cruel beings known as man, I have seen sadness and depression. I have seen the bottom of the World and that has allowed me to see the top. You can let these negative experiences own you, you can own them, or you can simply step aside and disown all of it. Letting those experiences own you is to fall into a depressive state, to lose sight of the world and to let those who may have done you wrong get the best of you. To own those experiences is to simply accept them, realize that an event cannot "un-happen" and to continue to make the best of life that you can. This does not mean pretending everything is "peachy". It means doing your best to move on, accept life and make the best of what's left of it.

 Stepping aside I say as a last resort. If you are unable to cope with life as it is, please realize there are infinite alternate ways that life can continue. Please do not confine yourself to 2 options- life as it currently is vs. a quiet end to it all. The world is not so simple as this. If you're living a sad life in Oklahoma and cannot see a positive end to it, maybe you just need to broaden your perspective. Would your friends and family be sad to see you leave and pursue a brand new life in Texas as an artist or in Costa Rica as a surf instructor? Maybe. But would they be more sad over that, or more sad to find you dead one day because the world was too much for you to handle? Surely the continued life of your own choosing would be better. If not, we need to have another talk. Your family and friends are toxic and they are the problem. This is a relatively easy fix. You need some positive people in your life, and while they may not always seem readily available to you, I assure you they are out there by the bushel. You are in the right place.

Suicide is never the right option. Most often when someone commits to end it all, they are not seeing it all. I strongly urge you to press the edges of existence first. Seriously, if you have a few hundred dollars in your pocket (or even some objects you can liquidate.. after all, you aren't intending to use that X-Box anymore, right?) and are considering ending it all, fly to The Azores. See if you still feel there isn't anything worth living for. At the very least, you owe it to yourself to explore the options out there! If you're going to commit suicide, do it in Chile after you've seen the Andes Mountains and determined that they just aren't all that special and there could not be anything out there worth seeing. Explore the world a bit and see that there are people out there with NOTHING who are clinging to life with two hands while you are ready to let it slip away. This concept is easy to dismiss from afar, but facing it head-on you can't escape it.

The bottom.

"Fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up. I’ve seen it. It’s fascinating.” He releases me but doesn’t pull away, his hand grazing my jaw, my neck. “Sometimes I just…want to see it again. Want to see you awake."

― Veronica Roth (via psych-quotes)

As someone who has battled anxiety and panic attacks straight head on, I can relate to this quote. When faced with a truly challenging situation, it tends to make all other tribulations seem trivial. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger can be little comfort at the time, depending on how you look at things.

I have been at the absolute bottom of the world looking up. Trust me, when you’re at the bottom of the world, it’s tough to even imagine seeing the top again. When you’re crying in desperation on a bathroom floor, a nice vacation in Key West is not even a thought that you can even fathom. You struggle to see tomorrow. But, I was in this situation and amazed myself with this revelation… If I can survive this (and it’s irrelevant whether the world at large can understand how large of an obstacle this is. At this time it is seemingly insurmountable to me) I can overcome anything.  This was the empowering thought that allowed me to get up off the floor and ultimately overcome the anxiety that put me there to begin with. I now live a life without those limitations.

While I may have overcome many things in my life, mental illness was been by far the most challenging for me. Anxiety caused me to retreat into myself. It almost cost me my career and did cost me my marriage (which I now realize was never all that strong if this could break it. “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health… and all that.”) But this experience has taught me a ton about resilience. It did make me stronger.
While for a long time I did feel that fear was shutting me down, ultimately it woke me up and made me alive.

The only light that I could see at the end of the tunnel at this particularly dark time was the stronger person that this experience was going to make me. And this was true. I do have to remind myself of this from time to time for sure. I can now tell myself that I should not take each day for granted because there was a time when I could not see the future that I am now living and thriving in.


There was an experience recently that tested this resolve and reminded me of this part of my past. It was good that it reminded of this part of my past, because it is very easy to forget the lessons that are taught by such tough times. Recently I was robbed at gunpoint. This is a situation that would send anyone's heart rate through the roof and bring out anxiety in anyone who is not Liam Neson's character from "Taken".

While I did get a little worked up and I didn't exactly handle the situation the way Martin Riggs would, I did keep my composure pretty well. I was taken by surprise, physically assaulted, held at gunpoint and forced to give up the money in the safe that I was responsible for. Was I scared? Yes! Anyone would be! I do not too closely analyze my actions during this traumatic experience. I am told that people in my situation have frozen, not been able to recall the safe combination, etc... This can get you killed. I am trained to follow preventative measures, but to simply comply if confronted like this, and that's what I did. I look more to the actions that I took after the incident took place.

I have simply broken down into a ball of anxiety in the past over so much less. This was a legitimately stressful situation that would make most emotionally tough people break down into jitters. I held my composure to the point that I was a little concerned about being considered as a suspect or as being false with my statements to the police due to being overly calm. There was evidence immediately on the scene that this was an inside job. Security procedures at my workplace are pretty tight and pretty much the only way a robbery like this could take place was for someone inside to comply or assist.

I am proud of myself for having the peace of mind in this stressful time to examine the other people there with me well enough to realize to understand that one was much more traumatized than I was (though I was the only one actually physically assaulted) and one was much more calm than seemed normal. It turned out that the one who was overly calm was the one who was involved in the robbery and was later arrested and is now serving time.

Anyway, the details aren't that important. I just want to express to those who may be at the bottom the way I was a few years ago, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And it is not simply looking out the tunnel to see a return to normal, to the life that you were used to before. What lies at the other end of the tunnel can be much greater if you embrace it. The only thing that got me up off that bathroom floor was the idea that there was something greater that I could achieve. It was the fact from the viewpoint that you have with your face flat on the ground, a small fire-ant hill looks like a mountain.  If you put that in perspective, you can see yourself standing up, stepping over a mountain, and saying "what's next?" Then you look at a real mountain and you can say "bring it on!" While others who haven't faced these challenges still fear a challenge of this magnitude.

When you've felt life slip away from you, a lot of power can come your way. This is certainly not limited to anxiety and panic. There are many severe forms of mental and physical illness that can bring this type of revelation. The blessing with mental illness is, that while I will certainly not say it is not a real thing, it can usually be less terminal than physical illness.

Anyone who ever considers ending things needs to think of one thing... once you've considered the end, the world has now opened up. Seriously. Hate your life where you're at? Suicide is not the way to go. Once you've considered the end, you have little to lose, much the same way that someone who is diagnosed with terminal cancer is faced with the end (only you can choose to continue on). Instead of ending it all, you could move to Guatemala and surf for the rest of your days or go to Alaska and become and Eskimo guide. Would those options not be better than being #456 to jump from the Bay Bridge? For sure!

Robbed

This past Monday night I was robbed at gunpoint. There is still an active investigation so I will spare the details. I will just say it was a scary experience.

I have been commended for my calm under the pressure of this stressful situation. People say I did the right thing. People say I was brave. People have even said that I'm a hero. The thing is, I don't feel brave or heroic. I simply complied with the gunman's demands to the best of my ability and then called the police after he left.

Looking back, though this could be a major step for me. As nervous and anxious as I have been prone to be, this could have been a major challenge for me. People freeze up in circumstances like this. Their minds go blank. I could have frozen up and not been able to comply with the attackers demands. I could have forgotten the safe codes or could have been to shaky to enter the code into the keypad. I could have had a full out panic attack and could have acted erratically and gotten myself shot. But I didn't do any of those things. I complied with a reasonable level of anxiety and fear given the situation.

I called the police and was a bit anxious while talking with them and dealing with the aftermath. This is natural after such a traumatic experience. But overall I remained remarkably calm throughout the few hours I spent dealing with the aftermath. And in the days following, life has seemed to continue on as scheduled. They gave me a few extra days off from work to "deal with things."

People keep asking me if I'm OK. "How are you doing?" they say. But I don't know how to respond. I am fine. Nothing has changed. My life is exactly as it was before this happened, but all this prodding makes me concerned that maybe it should not be this easy. It seems as if I'm expected to feel something. Fear, maybe anger, pain, or some sense of loss? But I don't. Today I did exactly the type of things I would have done with any normal free Friday, aside from a quick visit with the police to look at a lineup of photos.

There are a few thoughts I have on this:

One. As I have always said on my blog, I feel that my battles with panic attacks made me a stronger person. I am now more attuned than most to the things that my body tells me. I am better able to cope with stress. Many years of "false alarms" with the fight or flight response have trained me to cope with these moments better than some others. "From chaos come clarity". Now don't get me wrong. Of course I am not talking about any movie hero type calm under pressure. Liam Neeson from "Taken" would have disabled this punk in 0.25 seconds and made him fork over HIS wallet. This was not me. I have no shame in that. This stuff only happens in movies. I am not going to say I was not scared. I was TERRIFIED! I was punched multiple times all while having a gun pointed at my head.

But I did handle myself with, I think, and admirable level of grace considering the circumstances. I do thank my lucky stars that I was able to remain this calm during this. I have more to elaborate on this, but feel that it would be wise to wait until the investigation is complete to say anymore in the direction that I want to go.


For now, I am just monitoring myself and trying to look out for what is best for me. I do not want to relapse into panic. I have been panic attack free for close to two years now. I find that the worst thing to do at this point is to think of that streak when I begin to get anxious. The added pressure of breaking this streak just makes it all that much worse. I am usually able to abate it with some opposite action techniques and realizing once again that if I do have a panic attack life will go on.

I intend to seek some counseling. While I don't feel anything yet, I have been advised by people who deal with things like this more than I do. They have said that it's paramount to seek some counseling as anger or fear will surely show up at some point. I will take their advice. Mostly I am determined not to let this change me. I like who I am. I do not want to change and be someone else. I will not the thugs and punks of this world change me into a fearful or hateful person. Resisting this may be one of my hardest challenges right now...

Wish me luck!

-Aaron
 

Panic Contagious?

In the past few months I have encountered others suffering from panic attacks twice. There was a stark difference, thought this last time. This time I did not feel panicked myself. 

In the past, it has often been enough to spur anxiety any time that I would witness someone else being extremely anxious. I dealt with a guest at work a few months ago who was having a severe panic attack. While I maintained my composure, I was feeling quite panicked on the inside. It sometimes feels that panic can be contagious. 

This most recent situation, however was quite different. An employee of mine had a severe panic attack the other day at work. Seeing her this way did not cause me to panic this time. I was able to calmly sit by her side and try to help her. 

 I even confided that I also have had panic attacks. This helped to ease her nerves a bit, I hope. But I am positive that it helped me to ease mine. This I think was the primary difference in the two situations. The first time, with the guest, I was new to the job and not comfortable with discussing my own issues with anxiety. This fed the anxiety. This time, I was much more comfortable and willing to try and share my own experiences and help this girl. 

While I don't think I got anything at all through to her (she ended up popping a pill and becoming almost instantly dopey, a way in which I never handled my problems) I did learn something about myself. And about other's perceptions... I did encounter a few people saying she was just doing it for the attention. This renews my focus on being unashamed of my anxiety disorder. I am in a position to be a role model to some, and them seeing that I too have struggles can maybe offer some guidance to those in trouble and some perspective to those who criticize.

Anxiety can be contagious, but only as much as you let it in. Another's anxiety is just a trigger like any other. You can fend it off in the same ways. A calm and centered mind is the best defense.

Status

I am still proud to say that I have not had a panic attack. It has been well over a year now and the fear of panic no longer plagues my life. I now consider myself a true success story. 

Ten years ago, none of this was even in my sights. I hadn't a worry in the world (aside from the usual... Not being able to pay my bills, struggling with college, and tuition.) One of many things that actually makes me grateful for this battle with anxiety is this. I am now able to see those old problems for what they were; inconsequential and trivial. In recent times I have faced problems every bit as troubling, if not much more so. Yet I have now learned to keep my composure and strength. 

In the past year (panic attack free year), I have gone through divorce, changed jobs, and relocated to an entire new state. Any one of these factors can be stressful on their own. I am not a prideful person, but I do feel immense pride in my ability to handle this all with grace and dignity. But I do not forget that I learned much of this composure through my struggles with anxiety. I would not be the man that I am today without those challenges.

Just two years ago I was at a very extreme low. Anxiety had overwhelmed my life. I was scared every time I left my home. I had panic attacks while driving and was terrified of entering a busy road or highway. It was also getting to a point where I would begin to panic at work or even at home. My world was shrinking, closing in on itself, and it seemed there was no way to reverse this. It kept getting worse by the day. I had hit bottom. I no longer saw a future. I was unable to enjoy life. Thoughts of suicide were there. It did seem like the easiest way to end the pain. I simply am not selfish enough to do that to the people who love me. And now for those people I am forever grateful. For now I again see how much potential my life has.

I now appreciate things more. I see life's problems in perspective. And a major key to this all is that while I would hate to break my "win streak", I do realize that it's not the end of the world if I do. The ultimate enemy of the anxious person is simply the fear of fear itself. If you do not fear panic attacks, they simply will not happen. 

The extreme challenge is to break down the difference between telling yourself you do not fear and actually believing it. Frantically willing yourself to not be afraid of the panic attack will work about as well as excitedly hoping for sleep the night before a big test or event. We've all been there. The more you try to sleep, the harder it is. But if you can recall a time you have willingly tried to stay up all night, it felt almost impossible to keep your eyes open. Anxiety works much the same way. The harder you fight it, the more it comes on. 

The key lies in opposite action. If you feel anxious, acting anxious will only lead to more anxiety. Acting calm, however, will point you in the direction of calm. But that calm has to felt. This is something that requires practice. I suggest trying in lower pressure situations at first. 

Anyway, this started off as a simple status report and ended up a full-blown post. I do not find time to post often lately, but I do love to try and help when I can. My inspiration for this blog has always been the memory of those first few days after my first panic attack. I was confused and terrified. As I've chronicled here, it did not immediately improve from there. I saw some very low valleys in life. I have ow again learned to see the mountain tops, and if I can help just one person out of that mess it is all worth the effort.

ANY questions or concerns can be emailed to me and I would love to respond. Also please see my Facebook page and twitter account. 

STOMP STIGMA!

http://namiwalks.nami.org/StigmaSmash

Brief Update

My anxiety has been much better recently. I had been experiencing some setbacks lately, partly due to stress from a new job and adjusting to divorced life, partly due to poor self-maintenance. But I am still happy and proud to report no panic attacks! I do feel confident that the panic attack chapter of my life is behind me. What a relief that is!

I am feeling much more confident again as I am getting life back on track. Spring coming around always has a positive effect on me. It is here in full force in South Carolina, reminding me why I made some of the life choices that I have. Overall, while I still my moments where anxiety sneaks up on me a bit, I feel I now have a supreme understanding of it. This gives me a lot of confidence in the face of anxiety, and I no longer fear it the way I used to. It has gone from a great white shark to maybe a Rottweiler.

I don't have the time that I would like to devote to this blog and to sharing my experiences with others, but I sincerely want to thank everyone who has supported me along the way. A supportive community of understanding has gone a long way to helping me to grow and overcome.

I cannot personally thank everyone, as there have been so many who have helped me through this amazing (often terrifying but rewarding in the end) journey. But I do want to offer thanks to those who have been there for me. These people are listed frequently on my blog if you explore around. I have found epic help from some of the books and video/audio programs listed under my resources tab. I assure you, I do not recommend lightly. The same goes for my blog roll. Every blog listed there comes from a person who has offered me, personally, fantastic advice and support. Please support these people, not for them, not for me, but for YOU. They share the same motivations as me, to help others.

I don't want to overstate things...and do not misunderstand, my journey is far from done. I realize that. This is no victory celebration. Anxiety is just a part of who I am, and of what I will go through in the entire journey that is life. That journey is far from over, and if I allow myself to forget the lessons taught in this most recent chapter of my life, I will surely repeat the same woeful times. I realize that and remain hole and focused.

Lastly. I want to leave you with two things. If you get nothing else from this useless rant off of a blog post, please get these two things.

-be positive and love your life. Do not take things for granted. If you are reading this post, you enjoy aspects of life that millions in this world can not even begin to dream of. Adopting an attitude of gratitude can go a long way in life.

-PLEASE do not hesitate to reach out to me. I love to offer support for anyone going through the struggles of mental illness. This is why I maintain this blog. I suffered immensely during my earlier years with anxiety before finding help. If I can provide support that helps someone to avoid unnecessary pain and suffering from mental illness, this is all worth it. My contact info is available under the contact tab on this blog.

Much Love!

The Anxious Life

I have been living the anxious life for many years. Really, to some extent this has been all my life. It is just in more recent years that the pot began to boil over and anxiety became a severe problem in my everyday life.

I have always been shy, quiet, reserved. As a kid I was always more nervous than most of social situations. In fact, I often avoided them. While a very intelligent child, I often refrained from raisin my hand to answer a question unless nobody else did. Through my life I have always fallen into this role, while full of thoughts and opinions, reluctant to share them with others.

I have had friends, lovers, even been married. But historically I have been a loner. I was used to spending lunch hour alone as a kid. Did not even mind it, except for my perceived perceptions of the other kids. I did not want to be seen as the loner, the introvert. I had always thought that when I did make connections with people, I made strong ones. But as the years have gone by, I have let most of those connections with people fade away. I am now in the process of divorce and with few friends to turn to, aside from my loving family.

The loss of old friends as you grow older and go your own ways is not unusual. I consider many of my old friends still good friends today, though we rarely connect. Life takes people in different directions. But people typically make new friends. They get married and start families. I was on my way to that. A life that I wanted. But the unresolved issue of anxiety came in my way.

I knew that I was socially anxious throughout my life. I did not feel it to be a medical issue until my mid twenties. I had always thought of it as shyness (while I have always hated that word with a passion), and something that I need to man up and get over.

As I grew into an adult, I felt I had actually made a lot of progress. Growing up, you realize that it really doesn't matter what others think of you. You see the hot shots from high school fade into nothing. You see that you are just defined by what you do now. But it's hard to escape the mentality of "keeping up". You compare yourself to what others have accomplished.

But overall, despite the constant self-pressure of thinking I should have amounted to more, I felt I had an overall happy life in the works. Sure, my job was stressful well beyond what the pay would ever justify, but I had so much to make it worth it. It was actually more than enough money to support the modest lifestyle of my girlfriend and I at the time. For the first time n my adult life, I felt little pressure from bills and finances.

There were other stress factors, sure. I won't discuss these here as they are more personal in nature. Life at home was stressful for many reasons, but it was also happy. My girlfriend and I were living a pretty good life. I would gladly go back to that time if I could. It wasn't perfect. We lived in a crappy apartment in a bad area of town, but life was good. It has a lot to do with perspective. This apartment may not have been awesome. Living may not have been easy, but this was the first time I had really lived without a roommate, just me and my girl. And it was the first time I was earning a salary vs an hourly wage. I knew I was able to pay the bills each month and then some. My truck was finally paid off. My career had potential. We were dreaming big!

But even then anxiety was starting, though I did not tell anyone. I did not want to worry my girlfriend at the time. Did not want to scare my family. Certainly did not want my employer to know anything was wrong. But I was feeling heart abnormalities while driving home from work. I was afraid I was having a heart attack, but I really was not as afraid as I should have been. Either I knew it was a false alarm, or I had surrendered myself to it and did not care. I do remember being thankful that I lived near a hospital, though I never visited it.

My girlfriend and I went to Gatlinburg, TN for a vacation. This is a trip that I have made many times in my life. We rented a cabin in the mountains. It was romantic. I had planned for months that I was going to propose. I even snatched her Grandmother's ring from her drawer before we left. She had always said she wanted to wear this ring when she got married. But I found that the trip through the mountains freaked me out. Maybe the thought of proposing did too. I wasn't afraid of marriage, or of being turned down, she had made it clear in her subtle ways that she would say yes, but still I found myself chickening out. We had an awesome time, but I returned home with my tail between my legs. No proposal. No blushing bride to be.

A few months later I did propose. It was not in nearly such romantic fashion as I had planned, and I almost chickened out again to be truthful. We went to a nice dinner and movie downtown. I had planned to propose that night downtown, but never found he moment right (another way of saying I wimped out.) After we got back home, I realized I could not let this moment pass again. I talked her into going out for a drink at a dive bar nearby. I could not propose there, so I caught her in the doorway to our apartment on one knee and proposed there. I could barely say the words, I was so nervous, but fortunately the symbolism of my stance said it all.

That girl actually did marry me, believe it or not. I'm sure some of my female readers are horrified by the lack of romanticism here, but she and I really did love each other. Sometimes that's all that matters. Sometimes not.

It was a little while after this that my anxiety or shyness began to turn into full out panic attacks. This is when anxiety began to shatter my life to pieces. One quiet morning, I was getting ready for work. I had an early shift as a restaurant manager. We had a brunch service starting at 7am so I had to be there at 5am to set up. My best cook was out sick. This was stressful, but I had faced more adverse situations than this. I had gotten up in plenty of time for work, I liked to drink my coffee, eat my breakfast and get my thoughts together before work.

I remember it vividly to this day. I had just put on my socks. I put on my left shoe and was starting to put on my right when it hit me like a lightning bolt. Inexplicably, I stood up, tossed the right shoe to the side and began pacing. That thought haunts me to this day. It happened so suddenly that I tossed one shoe aside and began walking around my apartment with one shoe.

The next thing I remember, I was standing in front of our bathroom mirror, my heart racing, pretty sure I was about to die and debating whether or not to wake my wife up. After all I had had many false alarms before, though I had never shared them with anyone n none had been anywhere near this terrifying.

Ultimately I did end up waking her up. She was very scared, but very understanding. We talked a minute, I calmed down. I then went on to work, and had no more anxiety issues. I went through my shift with this unexplainable problem in the back of my mind.

I came home home and began to research what had happened to me. It was one of the most terrifying things I have ever encountered. Initially, the more I read, the more anxious I became. All of the material suggested that the more that you thought about it, the more it would happen. This was horrifying to me. That experience was not one that I ever wanted to relive, but it seemed I was destined to. I spent many years battling with panic attacks. Mostly they have occurred while I was driving, aside from that first one. A most memorable one was on the way back to IN from SC, and in the mountains of NC. I had done that drive, even somewhat recently. But I felt it coming on before I got to the highway. Shortness of breath, lots of sighing. These were the same symptoms a few months ago driving from Lafayette to Indy, when I had a panic attack and had to turn around and go back. We spent the night at my parents house and never were asked why. It was at this point that I finally learned to identify the signs,

I was willing at that point to do anything to get rid of this anxiety. But it did turn out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have been living my life anxiety free, but it took many years of trials and tribulations. I lost my wife, who I held so dear, in the process. But now I live a better life. It is fulfilling and happy. I have learned many life lessons from my exhaustive battle with anxiety. I do believe it has made me a stronger person. I would not be the strong person I am today without my struggles with anxiety and panic.



My goal, what I hope to accomplish, is to create a resource one can come to and receive answers about anxiety and panic before it can consume their lives the way it did mine.

Update

I'm sorry I have not been posting lately. I have been very busy with my new job. I am still proud to be 100% panic attack free. It has been now almost a full year since my last attack. With each day I gain more confidence.

Of course there are setbacks, but I have learned to let them roll off of me. This is a crucial step to overcoming anxiety. Ou you have to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

As bad as it may feel like it's about to get, it will pass quickly. You have to remember that. Just like the many tough situations you may have faced in the past, this too shall pass.

Remember that. One thing you can count on I this world: nothing stays the same for long. If you can see the happier time past the moment that is causing you to be anxious, you may be able to find peace there.

I hope this helps someone, best wishes,

-Aaron

New Years Cheers!

2012 was eventful for sure! My family grew with weddings happening and children being born. I became an uncle. My family shrank with a divorce. I never thought I'd be going into 2013 without Heather Diehl. My world grew with my relocation to South Carolina, a new job, and many great experiences. It's been a year full of ups and downs. I know that everything happens for a reason. I am yet to learn the reason for everything that has happened, but one thing is for sure: these things have made me a stronger man and changed me for the better.

It is easy for me to be down about life, but that wouldn't be doing justice to all the great things that have happened in 2012. I love my life! It's been a wild ride, but I wouldn't change a minute of it. I plan to forge ahead, with a bright horizon ahead. There is no looking back. I look forward to the start of a great career in 2013. I look forward to seeing my little brother get married, and to being his best man. I look forward to starting a new life as a single man. I look forward to the second half of the season of The Walking Dead (we all need our silly distractions). I look forward to exploring my new, beautiful home state of South Carolina. And I look forward to continuing to connect with my people via my blogs and social media.

Social media and blogging have given me a fantastic new outlet and a some amazing new views on life. I appreciate you all so very much: This journey would be so much without you! Here's to 2013! I hope that it brings us all much more joy and happiness than 2012 did. Sometimes life has to knock us off the path that we are on in order to put us on the path that we need to be on. Sometimes this knock is gentle, sometimes it is violent and painful, but we have to rest assured that there is a purpose behind it.

I wish you all the best in 2013!

-Aaron

Faith in Humanity

Two Deep Breaths

Opposite Action!

This Too Shall Pass

"Your problems will seem inconsequential and trivial

when you realize one thing.

We are just a speck of dirt on this golf ball called Earth.

So get stupid and sing!

This too shall pass."

-311

You feel like your problems are overwhelmingly huge? How big do they seem from this view? Sometimes all we need is a little perspective. When you allow yourself to take a step back, you will see that the problems that are plaguing you at the present moment don't even register as a blip on the radar of the world as a whole. This may not give a ton of consolation, but when you look at them in terms of the timeline of your own life, you will see how small they really can be.

When you're old and there isn't much life left for you to live, you will look back on your life. Only the most epic and memorable moments will stand out and all others will be long forgotten. Hopefully, you'll be able to be looking back on many more good memories than bad ones, and chances are you'll even be seeing most of the bad ones through rose-colored glasses. The embarrassing time you had a panic attack at the mall surely won't be one of these major life events passing through your mind.

We all just need a little dose of perspective now and then. It is almost never as bad as it seems. Take a step back and look at the situation. If it's truly not one of those epic life-changers, give yourself permission to take it easy.

Peaceful!

Source: turquoisetulipsandbliss.tumblr.com via Connie on Pinterest










Just a beautiful pic from Charleston, SC! It looks so peaceful! I hope y'all are having a wonderful day today!

Choosing Your Life (Part 2)

If you have not yet read my original post titled Choosing Your Life, please do so! I promised to continue that train of thought with a follow-up post. Some of the things I talked about in that post needed a little time to sink in and do their work. If you did read it, hopefully you have applied some of the positive thinking strategies to your life and worked on rejecting negative beliefs and thought patterns. You must do that first, before making any more tangible changes to your life or you will find yourself wondering why you still aren't happy.

If you don't change your perspective of the world, you will find yourself falling into the same old rut. Moving to a more beautiful climate, acquiring wealth or possessions, meeting the man or woman of your dreams. You may think these things will make you happy, and for some they can be a component of happiness, but if you still have that self-defeating or negative outlook it will never be good enough. So it's important to examine yourself and be sure that you are ready to know happiness when you find it. The things that I discussed in the last post are just a start. There will be much more work to do and it won't be easy but it will be rewarding every step of the way.

Self-defeating beliefs and negative thought patterns need to be eliminated before you can get down to the real work at hand: getting to know and love yourself. It sounds simple, but we all know that it isn't. We all have flaws and we tend to be our worst critics. Mental illness such as an anxiety disorder is not helpful and can make confidence hard to find. But as you learn to think in more positive terms, it will become easier.

Getting to know yourself-

Before you can love yourself, you need to get to know yourself. You don't spend more time with anybody in this world but yourself, yet it often takes people a long time to figure out who they really are. The reasons for this and how to attain self-discovery could easily fill up their own post, so I won't delve into it them here.

“He who knows others is learned;
He who knows himself is wise.”
Lao-tzu

Here are some basic things you can do to get to know yourself better:

Look at those around you. Or more importantly, look at how you view them. Often attributes that we find positive in others are the things we really like about selves, and the things that irritate us about others are attributes that we may be unhappy with in ourselves. Take a look at how these relate and you may find some very positive attributes hiding in the shadows, waiting to be developed. Or you may find some areas that you will want to work on, but at least this gives you a starting point.

Journal. Expression is a great way to get more in touch with your emotions, your wants and needs, and your personality. Starting a journal or blog can be a great way to do this! It has definitely helped to make a lot of things clearer for me! I suggest giving it a try. It may feel awkward at first, but once you get going you may not want to stop.

Spend time with yourself. Humans are social creatures. We tend to spend most of our lives surrounded by other people. And even when we are alone, we aren't really alone. We're strapped to a computer or in front of a TV if not occupied with some other task. And don't even get me started on smart phones! They are great. I have one and use it often, but the smart phone keeps us constantly connected and occupied. It's important to spend some time alone once in a while, without these distractions. Spend some time in thought and spend some time without even that, just listening to your heart beat or concentrating on your breathing.

Learning to love yourself-

It's important to love yourself. You're going to be spending a lot of time with yourself. You can't really avoid that. Everywhere you go, there you are. So if you don't love yourself, how can you expect to be happy? Much of the things already address will have done a lot of the work for you. By adapting to more positive ways of thinking and getting to know yourself, your self-esteem will be on the rise. You simply have to take that momentum and keep going with it. Here are some ways to improve your self-image, self-esteem, and love for yourself.

Forgive yourself. We've all had disappointments and failures in our past. You have to forgive yourself for these things. Holding a grudge against yourself won't get you anywhere. I have written another extensive two-part post on forgiveness and self-forgiveness. I highly suggest giving that a look-see.

Let go of the past. Get those skeletons out of your closet and move on with your life so you can focus on the present. Grant yourself a tabula rasa or blank slate. Today is a new day. Leave the worries of the past behind.

Start working toward living your life the way you want to live it. Clear out all the "can't" and "what-if" ideas in your mind and just ask yourself "what do I want in life?" Let me be clear that I am not referring to material things or ideas here, but core values. Too many people spend their lives living out of harmony with who they really are. We conform to who we think we should (there goes that word again!) be or are confused as to who we want to be because we haven't yet fully gotten to know and love ourselves. In either case, it's time to realign your life with who you really are.

Be yourself. Live, love, laugh, enjoy life! Don't apologize to anyone for being you!

Treat yourself like you treat your best friend. Don't be your own worst enemy, be your own best friend. Give yourself the same respect, understanding, and compassion that you give to ones you love most. Whenever you catch yourself beating up on yourself emotionally, and think of how you'd talk to your best friend.

Love others. Being kind to those around you boost your spirits. You'll likely find that the way that they react to you on a daily basis will reflect your own kindness. These positive responses from others will make you feel like a million-bucks. You get what you give in this world.

Adopt an attitude of gratitude. November was the season for being thankful, but it really should be practiced year round. Identifying something that you are grateful for each day can lift your spirits up a great deal. Identifying something about yourself to be thankful for can increase your self-esteem.

Once you've come to know, understand, and love yourself the world will open up for you. You'll be back in alignment with who you really are more positive experiences will naturally find you. You'll be free to choose the life that you really want. This can mean many different things; following your dreams, changing your surroundings, or just embracing all that is you and living a fuller life. Realize that great power comes from becoming in touch with yourself. A person who truly knows and loves his or her self is a force to be reckoned with. The sky is the limit! You'll be able to pull out the barriers that have been stopping you from doing the things you've always wanted to do by realizing that they were never there in the first place.

Stop taking "no" for an answer. If you can daydream it, you can achieve it. The only thing stopping you was yourself! Today is the day to get after it! Best of luck!

Thank you for reading.
-Aaron

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a topic that I find discussed often in mental health circles. It is a very powerful concept, yet extremely simple. When was the last time you stopped to listen your breathing or to focus on your heartbeat? Most of us live very busy lives, whether we are busy chasing after our dreams, busy tending to our families, or busy being anxious and depressed. We seldom take the time to just listen to our bodies. We rarely take the time to focus on the current moment and the current moment only.

Mindfulness is Buddhist idea that focuses on living in the present moment and becoming fully attuned to the body's primary functions, feelings, and awareness itself. Another more modern definition calls mindfulness a psychological quality that involves bringing one’s complete attention to the present experience on a moment-to-moment basis. It is something that can be very soul-cleansing and therapeutic if used properly.

It is very simple in concept, but not so simple in application. It calls for focusing on the current moment and only the current moment. It sounds easy, but if it was so simple there would not be all this talk about it. It requires casting aside all thoughts of the past and future in order to think only of the present moment.I think we've all discovered this to be easier said than done.

It very closely mirrors the ideas of meditation. I have not have tons of success with meditation yet myself, for the same reasons. It is hard to dispel those past memories or ideas of the future. It causes anxiety for me at times, at first, when I try. But when I am able to get past that initial nervousness and realize that it just comes from this being such a different experience for me, I am able to relax. We just spend so little time in this state in our regular lives that this (entirely natural) state becomes extremely foreign to us.

Meditation, however, is a whole different animal. Mindfulness is relatively easy to achieve and to achieve satisfaction from. It starts with just listening to your body's autonomic functions that you take for granted. Listen to the sound of your breathing, watch as your chest inhales and exhales. Listen to your heartbeat and feel it in your chest. Even if you can feeling beating in your abdomen and that worries you because it is a symptom of your anxiety. Just listen to it until it abates and goes back into your chest where it belongs.

It is so rarely that we take the time to just stop. Stop and listen, look, and appreciate what is going on around us.  By becoming fully attuned to what is going on with your body and around you in the present moment you can open up a new appreciation for the world. It is such a simple solution to such a complicated problem, but I promise that by spending even a few moments in each day in this mindful state you will see improvement in your everyday life.

-Aaron

Worry Well

I stumbled upon this video on YouTube this evening and found it very interesting. The guy talks about some very interesting things and explains the correlations and differences in anxiety, stress, and worry.

 Enjoy!

Thanks,

Aaron