Public Speaking: Oh My!

“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” ~ Jerry Seinfeld 


“There are only two types of speakers in the world. 1. The nervous and 2. Liars.” ~ Mark Twain



Yesterday at work I was asked to give a speech. It had been a while since I had been asked to speak in front of a large group. I had kind of forgotten just how scary it can be! Having an anxiety disorder, I was definitely apprehensive. I was worried that I would forget my lines and look like a fool. I could say something dumb and be the joke of the workplace for weeks. As soon as it was announced that we all would have to give speeches, these thoughts started going through my head. My palms got wet and my mouth got dry. That familiar anxious feeling.

We broke for an extended lunch, giving us all time to prepare our speeches. Talking with some of the others as we left for lunch, I quickly realized that everyone was nervous about this, not just me. Some were even more nervous than I was. Oddly, this made me feel quite a bit better about it. Even the seemingly very outgoing and ultra-confident people in the group expressed that they were nervous as well. So if I stumble a little bit, it's not really a big deal. Other people are going to stumble as well, get a case of the "uhh"'s, or have the most witty, clever line they spent their whole lunch coming up with just float away into thin air as soon as they get up in front of the group. It happens.

Realizing this was a huge relief to me. I opted to scrap my note cards and just go a more extemporaneous route. The subject matter wasn't really tough. I got everything worked out in my head and was pretty confident in the material by the time I headed back to work. The anticipation however was another matter. As the time to start the speeches approached, the nerves got worse. My heart started beating faster. I started to sweat more. The lines that I had all worked out in my head began to blur together in my head more and more as time went on. I just wanted to get my speech over with. I had decided to go first, so that I could I relax with ease while the rest of the speeches commenced, but I was beaten to the punch.

The first person to go up did a great job. She still set the bar really high. Great. It was a tough act to follow, but I took a deep breath and stood up to go second. Most of the next few minutes is a hazy, distant, dream-like memory, even though it was just yesterday. I think anxiety is funny that way. It has an ability to dampen your perceptions. Although I don't remember it well, I know I did fine. I lost my train of thought at some points, but quickly picked it back up, without standing there looking like a fool. I got my point across. There was no laughter when I was finished, just the usual obligatory applause.

The feeling that you feel after you sit back in your chair after giving that ever intimidating speech is priceless! All the anxiety and nervousness just washes away. Everyone gets nervous about public speaking. Even people who you think don't appear nervous probably are. Stand-up comedians, ministers, actors, teachers, motivational speakers, TV personalities. We're all just people, and we all get nervous.

“I was sitting there hoping they wouldn’t call my name – because the idea of having to give a speech in front of everyone in the world is terrifying.” — Reese Witherspoon, on her anxiety before winning the 2006 Oscar for Best Actress for “Walk the Line.”

One of the main things that worries people about public speaking is simply the fact that their nervousness will show. We are afraid that other people will see that we are nervous. But everybody gets nervous about public speaking, so there shouldn't be any fear that somehow people will catch on your act and lose respect for you. They already know that you're nervous. If your audience was in the same situation as you, having to give that speech, they would be a nervous wreck too. We naturally tend not to realize that other people can feel the same way we do in these situations.

Anxiety has a tendency to distort our perspective on things. Generally, in public speaking situations, people tend to overestimate how apparent the symptoms of their stage-fright are to others, and to not really notice those same symptoms in other people. After a previous public speaking appearance, a much longer speech in front of a much larger audience, I was told later by many people that they could not tell I was nervous at all. I had felt like a complete wreck. I was kept up at night over the anticipation of this speech. My heart was absolutely trying to leap out of my chest all throughout the speech. I thought I must have appeared a fool, yet nobody was the wiser. That is how distorted my perception was!

Public speaking is tough. No matter who you are, it's tough. That's why more people list glossophobia (the fear of public speaking) as their number one fear than do necrophobia (the fear of death). But it's a fact of life and an obstacle that most of us have to overcome at some point in our lives. You just have to realize that it's not that bad. Your worst thoughts about it aren't going to actually happen. Your speech won't be the talk around the water-cooler for weeks to come. It will be fine, and you will feel better and stronger for having done it.

Quit Talking Yourself Into Fear!

It probably sounds pretty simple, right? Duh! We don't enjoy feeling scared, anxious, or panicked so why would we talk ourselves into feeling this way? But the truth is that many of us do. Think about it. What usually happens just before (or often during) a panic attack? Negative thoughts. "What if..? Thoughts. "What if I do something embarrassing?" "What if I bomb this test?" "What if I forget the lines to my presentation, I lose the client, get fired from my job, my wife leaves me, my car gets repossessed, and I have to hold one of those signs saying "Cash 4 Gold" on the street corner?" Those negative, fearful thoughts fool your mind into thinking there really is something to fear, triggering a fight-or-flight response throughout your body. Your heart starts racing, your mind spins, and you spiral into the terrifying experience of a panic attack, and it all began with thoughts. Who created those thoughts? You did!

In most instances, there is no legitimate outside force causing you to panic. Look back and reflect on the times that you have experienced panic attacks and ask yourself "what was the cause?". Sure, there probably was a trigger. Maybe it was a large crowd at the mall, or a traffic jam that you were stuck in. Maybe you had to get up and speak in front of a group. A stressful day at work. A tough conversation with someone you love. Different things trigger panic attacks for different people. But the root cause is always the same: You. It's your reaction to the situation that causes the panic. You feel anxiety brought on by the triggering situation, which is perfectly natural. It is what happens after that initial anxiety that becomes a big problem. You start to fear the anxiety. When the fear kicks in and you become afraid that you are going to panic, you do.

This is all happening solely inside you. The external trigger no longer has anything to do with it. You are simply doing this to yourself. There is an awesome power that comes with realizing this. If you are the one causing yourself to panic, all you have to do is STOP! Stop feeding yourself negative thoughts. Replace them with positive ones. Take a deep breath, mentally step back and you'll realize that whatever is causing you to freak out is really nothing to worry about. Most of the time these triggers are things that we've done many times before, even once considered to be mundane. Unless you are actually being chased down by an angry bear, then you can give yourself permission to calm down.

It's easier said than done, I understand. I have struggled with panic myself for years, and it's still tough at times. I'm not trying to minimize it, just simplify it. If you pull back and give yourself a wider perspective on the situation, you'll see that there's literally nothing to fear except for fear itself. So you have to give a big speech in front of a class. Think about the times you've had to do this in the past. You were likely nervous then too, but you got through it. Is it a major life event that you reflect upon regularly? Do you recall specifics of any of the speeches given by your other classmates? Probably not, and they probably don't remember yours either. If you were all sweaty and nervous or stumbled over your words, it wasn't printed in the history books yet. And this time will be no different. You will be nervous, but you will get through it. Life will go on.

So quit beating yourself up, because it's just not that bad. Your worst "what if.." scenarios won't actually unfold. How many times have you actually seen someone freak out on a plane and run up and down the aisles at takeoff screaming their heads off? I have, but only in my head while I was sitting quietly in my seat with my eyes closed. They're just thoughts in your head. Most people don't act on them. You know those what ifs aren't actually going to happen. A good coping tool is to embrace them. If you're in line for a water slide and just petrified that you're going to embarrass yourself by chickening out and making the walk of shame back down all those stairs, then go with it. Imagine yourself just going absolutely looney toons, running down those stairs, arms in the air, screaming bloody murder, and knocking down little children left and right. Laugh it off and you'll feel a little better.

By realizing that you are talking yourself into fear, you give yourself the power to stop it. The next time you are feeling anxious and those what if thoughts come around, shoo them away and try replacing them with good what ifs. What if I amaze them at this interview and get the job of my dreams? What if everything goes right on this road trip and I have the time of my life? Or even simply, "what if I just get through this and then go eat some Zebra Cakes afterward?" Think of all of the opportunities that can come to you when you rid yourself of that fear and start thinking about possibilities!

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.” -Ghandi