If you're like me, patience is not a mental resource that you have an abundance of. I think that's a common thing in this age. We're grown to become so used to having things instantaneously that we get very impatient any time that we have to wait at all. Twenty years ago it may have taken you twenty minutes to "dial-up" to the internet and pull up this site. Now, you can usually pull it up instantly from the phone in your pocket from wherever you're at. But the one time that your service lags and it takes twenty seconds, if you're like me, you may be cursing your computer (or phone or tablet) and furiously pounding that keyboard or pressing those buttons. Patience just isn't a virtue that most people have a lot of these days. That's why constantly design everything to be quicker. Nobody likes waiting.
Now there's nothing wrong with that. Waiting for things is no fun. You've got better things to do than wait in line at the grocery store, while the lady in front of you fumbles in her enormous purse for her checkbook. We lead busy and demanding lives. But do you find yourself getting impatient and cursing slow drivers and stoplights even when you don't have anywhere special to be? Sure you do! It happens to us all at times. But for someone with panic disorder this impatience can be the start of a massive panic attack.
Impatience and anxiety are old friends. They go way back, went to the same summer camp as kids and have kept in close contact ever since. When impatience gets you tapping your foot on the bathroom floor, while you wait wait for someone drying their hands with the air-dryer that was installed in 1981, impatience is on the phone with his old buddy anxiety. "Hey bro! This sucker here is so ripe for you! He's on the verge of a meltdown, come quick! This is gonna be awesome!" You're getting worked up over something that really doesn't matter, but your amygdala doesn't know that. Your being worked up makes that old "dinosaur brain" of yours think that there is a threat of some sort. It responds accordingly and that's when panic starts.
Impatience is a natural reaction. It hits us all at times, and some of us more often than others. But it doesn't get you anywhere. Have you ever seen that impatient driver who speeds and weaves recklessly in and out of traffic to "get ahead", and then you end up strolling up to that next stoplight right next to him? He didn't really get anywhere, except a little closer to that next fill-up. Sure he may end up getting to his end destination quicker by continuing to do this, but at what cost? It just isn't worth it to act this way. An impatient lifestyle like this will only cause you anxiety and bring you down. But how do you fight off impatience?
Some tips:
Breathe: When you feel yourself getting worked up, just take a deep breath and let your muscles relax. You will more calm and able to deal with the frustration before you.
Plan: If you are running late for work, of course you are going to be tense and impatient. Set your alarm and get up a few minutes earlier so that you can take your time and still be on time.
Exercise: Exercise is proven to make people more happy. It is also a great stress reliever. Being happier and less stressed will make patience come much easier.
Realize: The people or things that you are frustrated with usually aren't the actual source of your problem. Realizing this will make it easier to calm down. You may be frustrated with the people in the drive-thru who can't decide what they want to order, but there's probably an underlying issue there. Maybe you're really unhappy with your job or upset with your husband for leaving his socks on the floor again. Identify what the real problem is and deal with that. And in the moment you can let the indecisive Taco-Bellers live another day.
Sometimes the frustration can be very persistent. Sometimes you really do have reason to be upset. People can often be inconsiderate and rude. You may be able to talk calmly with them and sort it out that way, but usually this won't end well. The best thing to do is just take a deep breath, and say to yourself "this too shall pass". It's probably really not that big of deal in the grand scheme of things, so it's best to just let it slide. The jerk jumping in front of you to take the last grapefruit may have your blood boiling now, but when you're old and on your death bed will you still be thinking about him, wishing him ill? Doubt it. You probably won't even remember it all the next week.
Just don't let impatience get the best of you. Keeping calm in the face of frustration, no matter how big or small, will always benefit you in the long run. So keep your head held high, and try to live a more calm and happy life.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Introversion
Now this is not strictly related to anxiety and panic, but I thought it was worth sharing. Many people with social anxiety may consider themselves introverts and will probably relate very much to what Susan Cain has to say here. I found this to be pretty life-changing myself, having been a very introverted person all my life.
Enjoy and discuss!
Thank you,
-Aaron
Enjoy and discuss!
Thank you,
-Aaron
Monday, October 29, 2012
Anxiety Judo!
In the movies, there is usually a "good guy" and a "bad guy". Usually the good guy starts off appearing really strong. Then as the plot progresses, the bad guy increases in strength until the point comes where he seems utterly invincible. But in the end, that strength is always revealed to be nothing but a house of cards. The fight may be epic, but the good guy always wins. Usually the seemingly strong foe has a simple weakness that the good guy able to exploit rather easily once he figures it out. This is a lot like anxiety. Let me explain.
It shouldn't be a surprise that the bad guy in this analogy is anxiety, and the good guy is you, the person struggling with anxiety. Anxiety usually comes on small, with just a little nervousness that can be easily dismissed as nothing to worry about. With time, though, it increases in it's intensity until it engulfs your life and your situation seems absolutely hopeless. The important thing to realize is that you are the good guy, and the good guy always wins in the end. The strength that you possess may not seem like a lot, but you have one major thing going for you. Your strength is real. It is grounded within you and cannot be taken away.
The strength of your anxiety or panic may seem overwhelming. But it's not real. It's a house of cards that be blown away with the same breath that you'd use to blow out birthday candles on a cake. It's not real because anxiety has no real power. It relies 100% on YOUR power to fuel it's attacks. Anxiety comes totally from within. It's your brain, and your mind, and your body that are being used against you to cause you to panic. Once you realize this and you see the anxiety for the house of cards that it really is, all you have to do is blow and you'll watch it fall.
It's a lot like Judo. Judo is a form of martial arts that focuses on using an opponents strength against them. You don't have to be strong to practice judo. Instead, you simply rely on the strength of your opponent. You just have to predict how your opponent is going to use their strength and divert it so that their own strength is used against them. This is what anxiety and panic are doing to you. They have no real strength of their own, so they trick you into using the considerable strength that you have on yourself. The harder you try to fight your panic, the more the panic wins and the worse your panic attack becomes. The winning strategy is to not play into what anxiety is leading you to do. It's predicting your attack, and it's waiting and ready to knock you on your back. All you have to do is what it does not expect: accept. It will have no counter for this. This is much like instead of attacking when it is goading you, just put down your weapons and stand there. Realize that it is unable to attack you on it's own, because it lacks strength. If you stand there and wait, it will go away.
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
-Marcus Aelius Aurelius
It shouldn't be a surprise that the bad guy in this analogy is anxiety, and the good guy is you, the person struggling with anxiety. Anxiety usually comes on small, with just a little nervousness that can be easily dismissed as nothing to worry about. With time, though, it increases in it's intensity until it engulfs your life and your situation seems absolutely hopeless. The important thing to realize is that you are the good guy, and the good guy always wins in the end. The strength that you possess may not seem like a lot, but you have one major thing going for you. Your strength is real. It is grounded within you and cannot be taken away.
The strength of your anxiety or panic may seem overwhelming. But it's not real. It's a house of cards that be blown away with the same breath that you'd use to blow out birthday candles on a cake. It's not real because anxiety has no real power. It relies 100% on YOUR power to fuel it's attacks. Anxiety comes totally from within. It's your brain, and your mind, and your body that are being used against you to cause you to panic. Once you realize this and you see the anxiety for the house of cards that it really is, all you have to do is blow and you'll watch it fall.
It's a lot like Judo. Judo is a form of martial arts that focuses on using an opponents strength against them. You don't have to be strong to practice judo. Instead, you simply rely on the strength of your opponent. You just have to predict how your opponent is going to use their strength and divert it so that their own strength is used against them. This is what anxiety and panic are doing to you. They have no real strength of their own, so they trick you into using the considerable strength that you have on yourself. The harder you try to fight your panic, the more the panic wins and the worse your panic attack becomes. The winning strategy is to not play into what anxiety is leading you to do. It's predicting your attack, and it's waiting and ready to knock you on your back. All you have to do is what it does not expect: accept. It will have no counter for this. This is much like instead of attacking when it is goading you, just put down your weapons and stand there. Realize that it is unable to attack you on it's own, because it lacks strength. If you stand there and wait, it will go away.
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
-Marcus Aelius Aurelius
My Story- Discrimination Hurts.
A guest post by @discrimination6
I first began having panic attacks in high school. My mom took me to the doctor, who's determination was that I had Asthma. So, he gave me an inhaler, yes, a stimulant. That catapulted my anxiety to a whole new level. I stopped the inhaler and continued to self medicate through high school and college which ultimately made my anxiety and my decision making worse.
By my senior year of college, I could no longer function in a social setting. This was difficult since I lived with four heavy partiers. I often had to lock myself in my room and literally hide from everyone I knew. I couldn't breathe and I felt paralyzed. No one understood. I even went to a hotel near campus for a weekend to be alone and in a quiet room, no one even noticed I was gone.
It wasn't until I was sitting in a psych class in college that I diagnosed myself as I listened to a lecture on anxiety disorders. I remember being elated. Aha! I know what it is! So, I made an appointment at the school clinic to find out how to "cure" this awful thing and surely I could get on with my life.
The doctor prescribed me an enormous amount of Xanax as a four time per day regiment. I was numb. My anxiety was gone but now I was a zombie. Eventually, I saw a different doctor who put me on Paxil, an anti-depressant that also made me numb but in a different way, I just had no emotion.
Years past and I decided I'd rather feel something rather than nothing and got off of Paxil. Have you seen Trainspotting? I'm pretty sure the withdrawal is equivalent to heroin. I ended up on a more mild anti-depressant for a few years then decided I was ready to try to go off the meds.
Apparently, reality had set in because as it turned out I'd married an asshole in my anti-depressant fog and had a baby on the way. But, I handled a crazy, no, beyond crazy, divorce with an infant without anxiety and I came out stronger! I was a single mom and began a career that resulted in numerous promotions. Wow, who would have thought I could do this?!
Ahem...then comes the depression. Oh, anxiety too, and insomnia. The numbness faded and I began crying, uncontrollably, in front of anyone in my path. I'm guessing you can imagine how work was going. I am unable to go into details but I was discriminated against because of my illness and no longer have my job and career that was going so well. The disability insurance company denied me after a few weeks despite mounds of medical evidence. When I appealed, they sent surveillance to my home and, get this, they saw me take out the trash! I must not be ill if I can do chores and go grocery shopping.
What they don't see, or choose not to, is the constant pain I feel daily due to depression and anxiety. My anxiety gets so bad that I cannot bear to hear sounds or deal with little things like putting the dishes away. I often want to crawl out of my skin. Oh, and remember that infant? Well, he's now six years old and wants to know why mommy's crying and why mommy can't come out to play this time. I force myself as much as humanly possible to stay strong enough to be a good mom and wait for moments when I can get to a bathroom or my bedroom to cry but there are days when I have to crawl into bed and cannot move. Luckily, I have an amazing support system who can help when I can't function.
The mental anguish is so amazingly terrible that it wreaks havoc on my body. I often have a heating pad on or just have to lay still in a quiet room to make all of the pain subside. There are also cognitive effects, I would switch words around and slur my words.
I've been cleared to go back to work but I cannot find a job and my savings is dwindling. I've begun relapsing into depression and having anxiety attacks again. My doctors have literally run out of medications to try and I'm faced with an indefinite mental illness sentence. At least, that's how it feels. I refer to it as the cancer of my soul.
I have always been one of the strongest people around. I'd gone through hell and back and not only survived but came out on top. Then I started pushing my body physically to become as strong as I was mentally. I had turned my life into something to enjoy and had an awesome kid to share it with. Imagine if I weren't as strong deep down?
I have a long road of recovery ahead but one of the main lessons I've learned throughout my battle is that mental illness is such an unknown or even taboo in this world. I'm determined to find a way to fight this stigma and hopefully help others through their battle so that no one gives up. Having hope and support goes a long way.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Divorce Care
I know I have been writing a lot about my divorce lately. It has had a major impact on my life. It affects me daily and probably will for some time. I have however found some connections between anxiety and divorce. This should come as no surprise to anyone who has been through either. Divorce inspires anxiety and panic in even the calmest individuals.
I have been attending a Divorce Care class at a local church. I am not a religious person by any means, but I have found that this group offers a lot of help and guidance. I will highly recommend Divorce Care to anyone going through a divorce and only wish I had found the group sooner. Many of the other people I have met there also say they wish they had not waited so long to attend. A guy I met the other day, who was also a newcomer to the group, put it very well. "When you get a divorce, you should immediately be taken and locked in one of these groups. It comes as a shock, and leaves you not knowing what to do. Anxiety and panic take over and you do a lot of dumb things in the wake of divorce. If I had found this group sooner, I would be so much better off."
A lot of the reading material I have read on divorce talks about panic. Divorce gives the gift of anxiety and panic to everyone who goes through it to some degree. This makes me think on how wonderfully prepared I am for this situation that I have found myself in. I, more than most who go through a divorce, am already very well prepared to deal with panic and anxiety. I have been dealing with it in my daily life, after all, for quite some time. There's always a silver lining if you know how to look for it.
There are a lot of different feelings that come up in divorce or a break-up of any kind for that matter. I felt betrayed, abandoned, shocked, sad, angry, hurt, and most of all confused. There was an overwhelming sense that I had lost control of my life. I found myself sitting and asking myself "what do I do now?". And for the first time in my life I had no answer to this. So I repeated it over and over. Still no answer. Uncertainty like this breeds anxiety. Panic begins to set in when you literally don't know what your next move should be. Worrisome questions just rain from your mind like a monsoon. Where am I going to sleep tonight? Where is SHE going to sleep tonight? Where did it all go wrong? What can I do to fix this? Each question leads into more questions. Anxiety and panic.
The first few days were stressful. There's no way around that. It's just going to be that way. Divorce is awful and I don't recommend it to anybody. But it does get better with some time if you let it. I did some dumb things that I now regret deeply in the wake of my divorce. I acted out, fueled by panic and emotion. But as time goes on I am beginning to sort out my feelings. Dealing with and understanding my feelings has become something that I am very good at. A major key to my overcoming anxiety and panic has been to identify the way that I think and feel and make changes as needed. Identify the harmful thoughts and feelings and let them go. I identify the good ones and let them shine out. Let's break it down.
Anger: Anger is a big cheerleader for anxiety. It does not do you any good to hold onto anger. You have to let it go. Find an appropriate outlet for your anger and let it out. Screaming and yelling at the person you are angry with is NOT going to make things better. It will probably lead to more anger. And in many cases, if you really examine that anger, much of it doesn't belong to that person anyway. You may find you are more angry with the situation than you are with the person. It's just easier to put a face on the anger because you can't lash out at a situation.
Physical activity can be a great release for anger. Go the gym and exercise. Play a sport or do something active that you enjoy.
You have to make a conscious decision to let go of the anger. It does you no good to hold onto it. So just let it go and forgive. I have an entire post on forgiveness, but it is an extremely important life skill, and most people have a confused understanding of it. Many people think of forgiveness as a gift that you "give" to the other person. This is not the way it works. Forgiveness is not for them. It is for you. In order to effectively forgive you must realize that. It is merely the act of taking that anger and resentment off of your back and setting it down, never to be picked up again. It must not depend on an apology or other action on their part. Do not let your healing and moving on with your life depend on the actions of another. This gives them control. By letting it go, you are keeping control of your emotional well-being. It does not even require you to tell them that you forgive them. Forgiveness is not a statement. It is a personal decision.
Now, I realize it's not always that easy. It's easy to forgive someone for eating the last zebra cake, but maybe not so easy to forgive someone who has done you serious wrong. It may take a while before your emotions will catch up with your mental decision to forgive, but it will come with time.
Sadness: No matter which side of the divorce you are on, sadness is going be there. This, again you have to let go of. But, I'll be honest with you, I've never found this to be so easy. As with any bad feeling that you want to rid yourself of, you have to first make the conscious decision to let that sadness go. Give yourself permission to be happy again, realizing that this is not a betrayal of the reason you are sad to begin with. You can still miss a person while allowing yourself some time to be happy. It will take time for the sad and lonely feelings to go away. A person needs to grieve. Do no deny yourself that. But don't shut yourself up in your room all day feeling sorry for yourself either. Let your emotions out. Talk about how you feel with someone you can trust. Then go on with your day.
Again, physical activity can be helpful. Exercise causes your body to release endorphins, which give you feelings of well-being and happiness. Although going to the gym to workout may be the last thing you want to do when you're feeling down, I promise you will be glad that you did.
I do not recommend trying to force yourself to "get out there" too soon. You may think you can force happiness by going out and partying, drinking, or simply being social. Make sure you are ready before you do this. Ask yourself what are your reasons for wanting to go out. If you want to go out simply to forget your troubles or because you think it will make you instantly feel better, it won't. I tried this shortly after my divorce. I got all spiffed out and went downtown to explore and eat out and see some nightlife. It made me feel awful. I was not ready for this yet. I ended up on the verge of tears as I left early to go home and a complete wreck once I got home. Just wait until you are ready. I recommend trying to occupy your time instead with hobbies and things you used to enjoy doing. This is also a great time to pick up that hobby that you used to tell yourself you'd like to try if you "only had the time". Whatever you do, it's important to keep busy. You will have sad thoughts, but keeping occupied will help you to not dwell on them, to not let that one, lone, small, sad thought grow into a whole story of sadness. In the moment when that sad thought comes up (it may be triggered by a song on the radio, or seeing something that's a reminder, or it may just spring up out of nowhere), you can make a simple mental "shift", as long as you're keeping your mind occupied with other thoughts to "shift" to.
Lastly, I just want to reiterate how highly I recommend attending a group such as Divorce Care immediately after divorce. I wish I had known about this prior to my divorce so I would have known to go there sooner. I would be much better off.
I have been attending a Divorce Care class at a local church. I am not a religious person by any means, but I have found that this group offers a lot of help and guidance. I will highly recommend Divorce Care to anyone going through a divorce and only wish I had found the group sooner. Many of the other people I have met there also say they wish they had not waited so long to attend. A guy I met the other day, who was also a newcomer to the group, put it very well. "When you get a divorce, you should immediately be taken and locked in one of these groups. It comes as a shock, and leaves you not knowing what to do. Anxiety and panic take over and you do a lot of dumb things in the wake of divorce. If I had found this group sooner, I would be so much better off."
A lot of the reading material I have read on divorce talks about panic. Divorce gives the gift of anxiety and panic to everyone who goes through it to some degree. This makes me think on how wonderfully prepared I am for this situation that I have found myself in. I, more than most who go through a divorce, am already very well prepared to deal with panic and anxiety. I have been dealing with it in my daily life, after all, for quite some time. There's always a silver lining if you know how to look for it.
There are a lot of different feelings that come up in divorce or a break-up of any kind for that matter. I felt betrayed, abandoned, shocked, sad, angry, hurt, and most of all confused. There was an overwhelming sense that I had lost control of my life. I found myself sitting and asking myself "what do I do now?". And for the first time in my life I had no answer to this. So I repeated it over and over. Still no answer. Uncertainty like this breeds anxiety. Panic begins to set in when you literally don't know what your next move should be. Worrisome questions just rain from your mind like a monsoon. Where am I going to sleep tonight? Where is SHE going to sleep tonight? Where did it all go wrong? What can I do to fix this? Each question leads into more questions. Anxiety and panic.
The first few days were stressful. There's no way around that. It's just going to be that way. Divorce is awful and I don't recommend it to anybody. But it does get better with some time if you let it. I did some dumb things that I now regret deeply in the wake of my divorce. I acted out, fueled by panic and emotion. But as time goes on I am beginning to sort out my feelings. Dealing with and understanding my feelings has become something that I am very good at. A major key to my overcoming anxiety and panic has been to identify the way that I think and feel and make changes as needed. Identify the harmful thoughts and feelings and let them go. I identify the good ones and let them shine out. Let's break it down.
Anger: Anger is a big cheerleader for anxiety. It does not do you any good to hold onto anger. You have to let it go. Find an appropriate outlet for your anger and let it out. Screaming and yelling at the person you are angry with is NOT going to make things better. It will probably lead to more anger. And in many cases, if you really examine that anger, much of it doesn't belong to that person anyway. You may find you are more angry with the situation than you are with the person. It's just easier to put a face on the anger because you can't lash out at a situation.
Physical activity can be a great release for anger. Go the gym and exercise. Play a sport or do something active that you enjoy.
You have to make a conscious decision to let go of the anger. It does you no good to hold onto it. So just let it go and forgive. I have an entire post on forgiveness, but it is an extremely important life skill, and most people have a confused understanding of it. Many people think of forgiveness as a gift that you "give" to the other person. This is not the way it works. Forgiveness is not for them. It is for you. In order to effectively forgive you must realize that. It is merely the act of taking that anger and resentment off of your back and setting it down, never to be picked up again. It must not depend on an apology or other action on their part. Do not let your healing and moving on with your life depend on the actions of another. This gives them control. By letting it go, you are keeping control of your emotional well-being. It does not even require you to tell them that you forgive them. Forgiveness is not a statement. It is a personal decision.
Now, I realize it's not always that easy. It's easy to forgive someone for eating the last zebra cake, but maybe not so easy to forgive someone who has done you serious wrong. It may take a while before your emotions will catch up with your mental decision to forgive, but it will come with time.
Sadness: No matter which side of the divorce you are on, sadness is going be there. This, again you have to let go of. But, I'll be honest with you, I've never found this to be so easy. As with any bad feeling that you want to rid yourself of, you have to first make the conscious decision to let that sadness go. Give yourself permission to be happy again, realizing that this is not a betrayal of the reason you are sad to begin with. You can still miss a person while allowing yourself some time to be happy. It will take time for the sad and lonely feelings to go away. A person needs to grieve. Do no deny yourself that. But don't shut yourself up in your room all day feeling sorry for yourself either. Let your emotions out. Talk about how you feel with someone you can trust. Then go on with your day.
Again, physical activity can be helpful. Exercise causes your body to release endorphins, which give you feelings of well-being and happiness. Although going to the gym to workout may be the last thing you want to do when you're feeling down, I promise you will be glad that you did.
I do not recommend trying to force yourself to "get out there" too soon. You may think you can force happiness by going out and partying, drinking, or simply being social. Make sure you are ready before you do this. Ask yourself what are your reasons for wanting to go out. If you want to go out simply to forget your troubles or because you think it will make you instantly feel better, it won't. I tried this shortly after my divorce. I got all spiffed out and went downtown to explore and eat out and see some nightlife. It made me feel awful. I was not ready for this yet. I ended up on the verge of tears as I left early to go home and a complete wreck once I got home. Just wait until you are ready. I recommend trying to occupy your time instead with hobbies and things you used to enjoy doing. This is also a great time to pick up that hobby that you used to tell yourself you'd like to try if you "only had the time". Whatever you do, it's important to keep busy. You will have sad thoughts, but keeping occupied will help you to not dwell on them, to not let that one, lone, small, sad thought grow into a whole story of sadness. In the moment when that sad thought comes up (it may be triggered by a song on the radio, or seeing something that's a reminder, or it may just spring up out of nowhere), you can make a simple mental "shift", as long as you're keeping your mind occupied with other thoughts to "shift" to.
Lastly, I just want to reiterate how highly I recommend attending a group such as Divorce Care immediately after divorce. I wish I had known about this prior to my divorce so I would have known to go there sooner. I would be much better off.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
The Other Side of Things
I vividly remember sitting on my bathroom floor, staring at the wall. The world was looking dark as can be. I was in the midst of a bout with a panic attack in my own home. Anxiety was tearing apart my life. I was essentially unable to leave home on my own without panicking. I wasn't eating right, or much at all. I wasn't sleeping well. I felt horrible about the toll this was taking on my relationship with my wife. I was depending on her for so much and that was not fair to her. I was positive that all of my career and life goals were now about as attainable as riding a dolphin to the moon. And I was quite sure that a normal life was surely beyond my reach. There didn't seem to be much point in anything.This was less than a year ago.
It was at that point, while sitting on my bathroom floor, that something dawned on me. Something that would change my life forever. As I was trying to dig through the gloomy haze of panic and find something to drag me up off of that floor, I thought about the future. I realized it was still there. Despite all of the pain I could still not see there not being a future. And something occurred to me. It was the thought that if I could get through THIS, the most impossible challenge I have ever faced in life, nothing could stop me. If I can find the strength to get up off that floor and go on, what other obstacles could possibly be waiting out there for me that are going to be tougher than this? Is a day at work going to present challenges that I can't handle? Surely not, if I can get through this.
I look at this day as the turning point in my battle with anxiety. I had hit my rock bottom. There wasn't anywhere left to go but up. I'd love to say that I just stood up, dusted myself off, and never looked back, but of course it wasn't that easy. There were bumps, hurdles, and setbacks all along the way and it was a slow and sometimes painful journey. But I've kept with it, and this vision of the future that came to on the floor that day has been what has gotten me through the hard times. I had resolved that I was going to see this through so that I could become the better, stronger person that I would never have been able to become without having this adversity put in my path.
Now I am still on this journey. I still live with anxiety. But it doesn't hinder me in my everyday life any longer. It simply reminds me to take care of myself and keep on moving. It's not nearly as debilitating as it once was and I am well on my way to achieving those dreams that were hatched that day on the floor in my bathroom. I'm on the other side of things.
"What if it were true that you weren't so blue?
And you felt like you could just do anything?
We're facing the sunset, and for a moment it
looks like it's rising, and we are on the other side of things."
-311
It was at that point, while sitting on my bathroom floor, that something dawned on me. Something that would change my life forever. As I was trying to dig through the gloomy haze of panic and find something to drag me up off of that floor, I thought about the future. I realized it was still there. Despite all of the pain I could still not see there not being a future. And something occurred to me. It was the thought that if I could get through THIS, the most impossible challenge I have ever faced in life, nothing could stop me. If I can find the strength to get up off that floor and go on, what other obstacles could possibly be waiting out there for me that are going to be tougher than this? Is a day at work going to present challenges that I can't handle? Surely not, if I can get through this.
I look at this day as the turning point in my battle with anxiety. I had hit my rock bottom. There wasn't anywhere left to go but up. I'd love to say that I just stood up, dusted myself off, and never looked back, but of course it wasn't that easy. There were bumps, hurdles, and setbacks all along the way and it was a slow and sometimes painful journey. But I've kept with it, and this vision of the future that came to on the floor that day has been what has gotten me through the hard times. I had resolved that I was going to see this through so that I could become the better, stronger person that I would never have been able to become without having this adversity put in my path.Now I am still on this journey. I still live with anxiety. But it doesn't hinder me in my everyday life any longer. It simply reminds me to take care of myself and keep on moving. It's not nearly as debilitating as it once was and I am well on my way to achieving those dreams that were hatched that day on the floor in my bathroom. I'm on the other side of things.
"What if it were true that you weren't so blue?
And you felt like you could just do anything?
We're facing the sunset, and for a moment it
looks like it's rising, and we are on the other side of things."
-311
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Get Some Distraction in Your Life
Driving on the highway has always been my number one anxiety trigger. My first panic attack did not happen behind the wheel of a car, but all of them since then have. To this day I get very anxious when approaching an on-ramp to the interstate. The thought of a long road trip used to horrify me. I've always loved to travel (ironic?) and as a kid I even enjoyed the journey as much as the destination. As an adult with panic disorder, I've come to dread the journey. I love the destinations, but that love is dampened by my fear of getting there.
I have made some large strides lately, however. A few months ago, I wrote about my road trip to Charleston. I was extremely excited that I successfully drove the entire way there. Since then I have traveled to Indiana, and most recently Charlotte without a single panic attack. I'm still holding on to my streak, with my last one occurring in April and confident that there isn't one on the horizon.
During my trip to Charlotte (yesterday), I had a little bit of a rough start. I attribute this slight setback to the extreme amount of stress I have gone through over the past few months. Divorce is no fun! I don't recommend it. I started off just fine, the first stretch is familiar territory for me now, but after about 15 miles I started to feel that familiar old feeling. My thoughts became fuzzy and unclear, my heart started to race, my breathing got shallower, and I began to fidget in my seat. "OH NO! IT'S HAPPENING!" is what was being screamed inside my head as I looked for the nearest exit.
Of course I was nowhere near an exit, so I had to tough it out. The first instinct is to clench up and try to "fight" the panic attack off. I know from experience that this doesn't work. It will just bring the panic rushing on faster. So I reached into my mental bag of tricks. I started to focus on my breathing as I took deep breaths. I practiced acceptance. Refusing to fight the oncoming attack allows the worst of it to pass.
Then, I switched to the passing lane. While going faster seems counter-intuitive here, it actually helps me. It gives me something to focus on while I am passing some cars. Slowing down into the slow lane will give your mind little to focus on besides the panic. Having some distraction is crucial. Using numbers as a distraction is something that I have used with some success in the past. I am not a math whiz by any means. This may contribute to the effectiveness of math as a distraction. For others, it may be a different topic that causes their mind to work harder. For me, it's numbers, usually money. If I need a distraction, I start plotting out my finances in my head or thinking of a plan to save for that new car that I really want.
Now, finances might not be the best distraction for you if your financial circumstances are particularly bleak. I'd choose something else. Anything that can bring positive thoughts but which causes you to have to think deeply. Planning something usually works well.
After I overcame this initial bout of panic. I was able to coast the rest of the way to my destination and was almost sad when it was over. I was having a good time thinking about things. The thoughts had gone from money to planning out what I will do for the rest of the week to thinking of ideas for my blog (and thus Stigma Smash was born!).
I have made some large strides lately, however. A few months ago, I wrote about my road trip to Charleston. I was extremely excited that I successfully drove the entire way there. Since then I have traveled to Indiana, and most recently Charlotte without a single panic attack. I'm still holding on to my streak, with my last one occurring in April and confident that there isn't one on the horizon.
During my trip to Charlotte (yesterday), I had a little bit of a rough start. I attribute this slight setback to the extreme amount of stress I have gone through over the past few months. Divorce is no fun! I don't recommend it. I started off just fine, the first stretch is familiar territory for me now, but after about 15 miles I started to feel that familiar old feeling. My thoughts became fuzzy and unclear, my heart started to race, my breathing got shallower, and I began to fidget in my seat. "OH NO! IT'S HAPPENING!" is what was being screamed inside my head as I looked for the nearest exit.
Of course I was nowhere near an exit, so I had to tough it out. The first instinct is to clench up and try to "fight" the panic attack off. I know from experience that this doesn't work. It will just bring the panic rushing on faster. So I reached into my mental bag of tricks. I started to focus on my breathing as I took deep breaths. I practiced acceptance. Refusing to fight the oncoming attack allows the worst of it to pass.
Then, I switched to the passing lane. While going faster seems counter-intuitive here, it actually helps me. It gives me something to focus on while I am passing some cars. Slowing down into the slow lane will give your mind little to focus on besides the panic. Having some distraction is crucial. Using numbers as a distraction is something that I have used with some success in the past. I am not a math whiz by any means. This may contribute to the effectiveness of math as a distraction. For others, it may be a different topic that causes their mind to work harder. For me, it's numbers, usually money. If I need a distraction, I start plotting out my finances in my head or thinking of a plan to save for that new car that I really want.
Now, finances might not be the best distraction for you if your financial circumstances are particularly bleak. I'd choose something else. Anything that can bring positive thoughts but which causes you to have to think deeply. Planning something usually works well.
After I overcame this initial bout of panic. I was able to coast the rest of the way to my destination and was almost sad when it was over. I was having a good time thinking about things. The thoughts had gone from money to planning out what I will do for the rest of the week to thinking of ideas for my blog (and thus Stigma Smash was born!).
Smashing Social Stigmas
I look back on my own experiences with anxiety and panic disorder. The social stigma (or my perception of it) did a lot of harm to me. It increased my anxiety, because I was always afraid of what people would think of me if they found out what was going on inside of me. It also set me back a lot in my recovery. I delayed seeking help for a tremendously long time because I was afraid to talk anyone about it. I did not think anyone would understand. I was afraid people would label me as crazy or unstable.
I have created a partner blog project called Stigma Smash with the intent of increasing open discussion of mental illness and mental health related issues and thereby smash social stigmas associated with them. The first step to doing this is to encourage people not to be ashamed of their mental illness.
Studies have shown that 50% of adults will experience some sort of mental health issue in their lifetime. So I think you'll find people to be more understanding that you think. Chances are very good that anyone you come across knows someone who has a mental illness, or has dealt with this themselves!
Please show your support and get out and talk about your mental illness so that we can create a more open environment where people won't be discouraged from getting the help that they need! Please take the time to view my partner blog, Stigma Smash. Also follow on twitter @StigmaSmash and spread the twitter love with hashtag #stigmasmash. Thank you for your help to Smash these stigmas!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Gandhi Quotes
Mahatma Gandhi was a wise man who had a lot of great things to say. He was most well known for his views on peace and non-violence, but he had so much more to say than even that. I figured I would post some of his more epic quotes here as a little boost of positivity. Enjoy!
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
“A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.”
“The future depends on what you do today.”
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”
“Let the first act of every morning be to make the following resolve for the day:
- I shall not fear anyone on Earth.
- I shall fear only God.
- I shall not bear ill will toward anyone.
- I shall not submit to injustice from anyone.
- I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.”
“To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.”
“It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.”
“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”
“You may never know what results come of your actions, but if you do nothing, there will be no results.”
“It's the action, not the fruit of the action, that's important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.”
"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."
“The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.”
What are some of your favorite inspirational quotes?
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
“A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.”
“The future depends on what you do today.”
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”
“Let the first act of every morning be to make the following resolve for the day:
- I shall not fear anyone on Earth.
- I shall fear only God.
- I shall not bear ill will toward anyone.
- I shall not submit to injustice from anyone.
- I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.”
“To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.”
“It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.”
“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”
“You may never know what results come of your actions, but if you do nothing, there will be no results.”
“It's the action, not the fruit of the action, that's important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.”
"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."
“The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.”
What are some of your favorite inspirational quotes?
The Truth Your Panic Attack Doesn't Want You To Know: IT WON'T KILL YOU
Panic attacks can be terrifying. The first time that I had a panic attack I was pretty convinced that I was about to die. Many people have ended up in hospital emergency rooms because they mistook their panic attack symptoms for heart attacks. The symptoms can be similar. People often experience frightening symptoms such as chest pains, rapid heart beat, or shortness of breath. But, assuming you've been seen by a doctor and deemed healthy, you probably don't have much to worry about.
Your panic attack itself does not have the ability to kill you. There is one simple reason behind this. The panic attack itself is created by your body. It is a natural reaction to a perceived threat that starts in your amygdala as a defense mechanism. It may be misdirected. It may be unwanted at that time, but it's primary purpose is to protect you from danger. Your internal body does not have the ability to self destruct.
Don't believe me? Think about your heartbeat and try to make it stop. It can't be done. Likewise, you cannot will yourself to stop breathing. You can hold your breath, sure. But eventually, no matter how hard you fight it, your breathing will continue. You body and mind have the power to do many amazing things but willingly shutting themselves down is not one of them.
Once you realize this, you can take a lot of the wind out of your panic attack's sails. Your fear will decrease and it's really your fear that feeds the panic attack monster. Stop feeding it and it will go away. It's like when you were a kid and afraid of the boogeyman in your closet at night. You were scared, sure that whatever this horrible creature was lurking in the dark was going to get you at any minute. You screamed for your parents and they come and turn on the lights, and you see that the "boogeyman" was all along just one of your toys with a blanket draped over it. The fear goes away.
Your panic attack itself does not have the ability to kill you. There is one simple reason behind this. The panic attack itself is created by your body. It is a natural reaction to a perceived threat that starts in your amygdala as a defense mechanism. It may be misdirected. It may be unwanted at that time, but it's primary purpose is to protect you from danger. Your internal body does not have the ability to self destruct.
Don't believe me? Think about your heartbeat and try to make it stop. It can't be done. Likewise, you cannot will yourself to stop breathing. You can hold your breath, sure. But eventually, no matter how hard you fight it, your breathing will continue. You body and mind have the power to do many amazing things but willingly shutting themselves down is not one of them.
Once you realize this, you can take a lot of the wind out of your panic attack's sails. Your fear will decrease and it's really your fear that feeds the panic attack monster. Stop feeding it and it will go away. It's like when you were a kid and afraid of the boogeyman in your closet at night. You were scared, sure that whatever this horrible creature was lurking in the dark was going to get you at any minute. You screamed for your parents and they come and turn on the lights, and you see that the "boogeyman" was all along just one of your toys with a blanket draped over it. The fear goes away.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Now on Facebook!
My goal is to turn Misdirected Anxiety into an active social network where people can discuss their experiences with anxiety. I have been helped tremendously by the resources I have found online and by allowing myself to share my thoughts and feelings on my blog.
I have just recently created a Facebook page for Misdirected Anxiety! I would love if some of my readers would visit the page and let me know what you think!
Thanks,
Aaron
Facebook
P.S. I also am very active on twitter under the name @realignanxiety! Feel free to follow or message me!
I have just recently created a Facebook page for Misdirected Anxiety! I would love if some of my readers would visit the page and let me know what you think!
Thanks,
Aaron
P.S. I also am very active on twitter under the name @realignanxiety! Feel free to follow or message me!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Great Infographic! How Stress Affects the Body
I once had a boss (still a good friend, actually) who told me that he was a firm believer that holding stress inside will in fact shorten your life. I totally agree with him and I remember that conversation vividly to this day. I was holding stress inside and it was killing me. I knew something had to change.
I Pray For You: Jaron and The Long Road to Love
My sister sent me a link to this music video after my wife left me. The message may be a little bad, but it's funny and helped me to feel better.
No Control
One of the things that can cause anxiety for many people is a lack of control. People don't like feeling out of control of a situation, but there are inherently many situations in life that we have no control over. The anxiety sufferer has to realize when it is necessary to let go of control. Fighting for control over someone else's actions or something that is out of your hands will cause you so much unwelcome stress and pain.
You can gain control by giving it up. When you realize that there is nothing that you can do in a situation, you can actually become empowered. Ex: In my divorce I have come to realize that I have no real ability to affect my wife's actions. At least not in the way that I want. When I realized this it brought to light that there IS in fact something that I have a lot of control over. ME. I can control my own actions. Fully and completely. When you focus in on this, you can do a world of good for yourself. Apply yourself more aggressively to the things you can control: your job, your family, friends, hobbies, and most importantly being who you are. If you take pride in being an honest person, don't let adversity change that.
You can gain control by giving it up. When you realize that there is nothing that you can do in a situation, you can actually become empowered. Ex: In my divorce I have come to realize that I have no real ability to affect my wife's actions. At least not in the way that I want. When I realized this it brought to light that there IS in fact something that I have a lot of control over. ME. I can control my own actions. Fully and completely. When you focus in on this, you can do a world of good for yourself. Apply yourself more aggressively to the things you can control: your job, your family, friends, hobbies, and most importantly being who you are. If you take pride in being an honest person, don't let adversity change that.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Forgiveness: Part Two
Forgiving Yourself!
The most important person to be able to forgive is yourself. You can avoid others if you harbor resentment and hurt feelings, but you're stuck with you. Wherever you go, there you are! So it is important to let go of your mistakes, let go of regret, and forgive yourself.
You cannot change your past actions any more than you can change the actions of another. You have to find a way to come to peace with them and move on. Everyone makes mistakes. They're in the past though, so take whatever lessons you can learn from them, and leave them in the past where they belong.
Making Ammends
Sometimes doing something to "make things right" can help you to feel better about yourself and move on with your life. A charitable action, a gift, a good deed, or even a simple apology could help. But don't take it too far. You could spend your whole life trying to "make things right" if you let yourself get wrapped up. Allow yourself one shot, whatever it is, and then dust off your hands and call it a day.
An Effective Apology
I've been going through a particularly rough time lately with my pending divorce. During the first few days, I was a wreck. I lashed out towards some people who did not deserve it. When I had some time to think more clearly, I felt awful for my hurtful actions. I decided an apology was in order, so I wrote an apology letter. A very effective one, both for making the other people realize that I am sincere and for making me feel at peace with the situation once again.
The keys to an effective apology:
NO EXPECTATIONS! You won't get the peace of mind you want and you will not come through as sincere if you create your apology expecting some sort of action or response from the other party. Just apologize and leave the rest up to them.
HAND-WRITTEN- If you're trying to apologize to someone, there's a good chance they aren't happy to hear from you. A phone call can be ignored, an e-mail or text easily deleted, and in-person interactions can spiral out of control. A hand-written letter is unique in this day and age. If someone sends you a handwritten letter, you will read it.
ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS- Do not simply address the actions. This will come off as the forced playground apology. "I'm sorry I pushed you down...(reluctantly with mom scowling over). Take a little time to address how your actions may have affected this person. How do they feel? Address their feelings in the apology letter.
ADDRESS YOUR FEELINGS- Let them know that these actions have affected you as well. They must have, if you were so motivated to write an apology letter, but you must let them know how.
OFFER NO DEFENSE- You being defensive will only bring their defenses back up. Are you looking for their forgiveness or are you still trying to make them see things from your point of view?
After sending this letter, following these guidelines, I did not receive a response. I did not expect one, and I made that clear in the letter. I saw these people for the first time since all of this today, however, and received a heartfelt hug and a solid handshake. They expressed how much they appreciated the note I had sent. A little apology goes a long way to make everyone feel better, as long as it's truly meant. I'm sure I will never see them again, and that's fine. I think we all have come to peace here.
The most important person to be able to forgive is yourself. You can avoid others if you harbor resentment and hurt feelings, but you're stuck with you. Wherever you go, there you are! So it is important to let go of your mistakes, let go of regret, and forgive yourself.
You cannot change your past actions any more than you can change the actions of another. You have to find a way to come to peace with them and move on. Everyone makes mistakes. They're in the past though, so take whatever lessons you can learn from them, and leave them in the past where they belong.
Making Ammends
Sometimes doing something to "make things right" can help you to feel better about yourself and move on with your life. A charitable action, a gift, a good deed, or even a simple apology could help. But don't take it too far. You could spend your whole life trying to "make things right" if you let yourself get wrapped up. Allow yourself one shot, whatever it is, and then dust off your hands and call it a day.
An Effective Apology
I've been going through a particularly rough time lately with my pending divorce. During the first few days, I was a wreck. I lashed out towards some people who did not deserve it. When I had some time to think more clearly, I felt awful for my hurtful actions. I decided an apology was in order, so I wrote an apology letter. A very effective one, both for making the other people realize that I am sincere and for making me feel at peace with the situation once again.
The keys to an effective apology:
NO EXPECTATIONS! You won't get the peace of mind you want and you will not come through as sincere if you create your apology expecting some sort of action or response from the other party. Just apologize and leave the rest up to them.
HAND-WRITTEN- If you're trying to apologize to someone, there's a good chance they aren't happy to hear from you. A phone call can be ignored, an e-mail or text easily deleted, and in-person interactions can spiral out of control. A hand-written letter is unique in this day and age. If someone sends you a handwritten letter, you will read it.
ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS- Do not simply address the actions. This will come off as the forced playground apology. "I'm sorry I pushed you down...(reluctantly with mom scowling over). Take a little time to address how your actions may have affected this person. How do they feel? Address their feelings in the apology letter.
ADDRESS YOUR FEELINGS- Let them know that these actions have affected you as well. They must have, if you were so motivated to write an apology letter, but you must let them know how.
OFFER NO DEFENSE- You being defensive will only bring their defenses back up. Are you looking for their forgiveness or are you still trying to make them see things from your point of view?
After sending this letter, following these guidelines, I did not receive a response. I did not expect one, and I made that clear in the letter. I saw these people for the first time since all of this today, however, and received a heartfelt hug and a solid handshake. They expressed how much they appreciated the note I had sent. A little apology goes a long way to make everyone feel better, as long as it's truly meant. I'm sure I will never see them again, and that's fine. I think we all have come to peace here.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Forgiveness: It's More Than Saying "Sorry"
Rebellion done for it's own sake
does not a true free thinker make.
To go against for it's own sake
you're still controlled by the course that the other man takes
-Nick Hexum
Regret and anger are often common themes in the lives of people who suffer from anxiety or depression. Another way to take a look at these would be as lack of forgiveness for yourself or lack of forgiveness for someone else. Any way you look at it, holding on to grudges, whether toward yourself or someone else, is not a healthy way to live. Letting go of those grudges and regret will help you to become a stronger and happier person.
The reasons why we withhold our forgiveness:
The main reason why people withhold their forgiveness is because they feel the other person doesn't deserve it. Well, you have to get that out of your head. The forgiveness is not for them. It is for you. Their life will go on with or without your forgiveness, will yours? You have to be willing to let go of the hurt and anger for you, so that you can move on with your life.
Holding that grudge is often an exercise of control. You say to yourself something like "I won't forgive them until they apologize" or until they do something to make amends with you or maybe just stop what it is they are doing that has you so worked up in the first place. You feel that if you give them that forgiveness, you lose all power in the situation. In fact, the exact opposite is true! You aren't controlling them with that grudge. They are controlling you. You actually have no control in this situation. You are allowing their actions to dictate how you move on with your life. (Trying to control the uncontrollable things in life is a MAJOR source of anxiety as well) Once you are able to truly forgive, you will feel better, regardless of the actions of another. THAT is power.
Now, I realize it's not always that easy. Some actions are easier to forgive than others. Forgive and forget is not realistic. You don't need to forget in order to forgive, simply move on. You must remember the things that caused you to be angry or upset (whether towards someone else or yourself) in order to make changes to avoid the same things in the future. Some of the more serious offenses will take time to forgive, but until you let go of depending on someone else to initiate that process, it won't happen and you won't be able to heal.
I have a job interview to prepare for right now so I will continue tomorrow with discussing HOW TO FORGIVE YOURSELF and why it is so important.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Don't Wait! Deal with it now!
As I have already discussed a little bit, I am in the process of going through a divorce. Now that a little time has passed, I have had a chance to really think about what happened. Initially, I was just angry and could not see it clearly. I was simply angry with my wife and blaming this loss on her actions. I know that's not the case. I am responsible for the rift in our relationship. I did not give her the attention and love that she deserved. I forgot my promises to her as a Husband and I let her down.
My struggle with anxiety goes back longer than I like to admit. I suffered with it for years before doing anything about it. I was unsure of what was happening to me, and didn't know who to talk to about it or even what to say. I thought people would think I was crazy and part of me was scared that I would find out that it really is something serious such as a heart problem (since much of the symptoms manifest in the chest.) So I kept it inside until it blew up into full-scale debilitating panic attacks. And even then I was reluctant to seek proper help. I was afraid nobody would understand. It affected my career, my family relationships, my personal life, and my marriage.
My wife was understanding. EXTREMELY supportive actually. I was grateful every single day for having her there to help me. But to be honest, I was afraid for a long time that she would leave over it. But she didn't. I don't think she could leave me in need like that. She is too kind hearted. So she stuck with me, despite being unhappy herself, and when I seemed to be getting better and she felt I would be OK without her, she left. I understand now how I was responsible for pushing her away. I let myself get wrapped up and overwhelmed with life and I wasn't able to be there for her the way a good husband should be.
I didn't intend to rant so long on that subject, but it's important and setting up my point. Do not wait to get help. It could be too late by the time that you actually do. Your life can suffer in a lot of ways from putting it off and not dealing with it. People lose jobs, lose friends, ruin their relationships, and sometimes lose themselves. There are tons of resources out there and people will understand much more than you think. So talk to someone you can trust. It's actually an increasingly common problem. Here is a list of some celebrities who have dealt with anxiety disorders.
Reading through my blog, I hope you will find some help. Also the blogs I have links to are ones that have helped me a lot. Read a Life Less Anxious, it has tons of good tips for mental well being that can be applied to anxiety disorders as well as any other tough situations you may face in life. Take it with a grain of salt though. It advises heavily against medication. Medication won't cure you on it's own, you have to apply changes to the way you think as well, but it has helped me. Consult a doctor. You don't have to see a specialist or anything so it doesn't have to cost a lot. As I said, it's a common enough problem that your general family doctor should be able to help you with it.
Best of luck and don't hesitate to reach out if you need support!
My struggle with anxiety goes back longer than I like to admit. I suffered with it for years before doing anything about it. I was unsure of what was happening to me, and didn't know who to talk to about it or even what to say. I thought people would think I was crazy and part of me was scared that I would find out that it really is something serious such as a heart problem (since much of the symptoms manifest in the chest.) So I kept it inside until it blew up into full-scale debilitating panic attacks. And even then I was reluctant to seek proper help. I was afraid nobody would understand. It affected my career, my family relationships, my personal life, and my marriage.
My wife was understanding. EXTREMELY supportive actually. I was grateful every single day for having her there to help me. But to be honest, I was afraid for a long time that she would leave over it. But she didn't. I don't think she could leave me in need like that. She is too kind hearted. So she stuck with me, despite being unhappy herself, and when I seemed to be getting better and she felt I would be OK without her, she left. I understand now how I was responsible for pushing her away. I let myself get wrapped up and overwhelmed with life and I wasn't able to be there for her the way a good husband should be.
I didn't intend to rant so long on that subject, but it's important and setting up my point. Do not wait to get help. It could be too late by the time that you actually do. Your life can suffer in a lot of ways from putting it off and not dealing with it. People lose jobs, lose friends, ruin their relationships, and sometimes lose themselves. There are tons of resources out there and people will understand much more than you think. So talk to someone you can trust. It's actually an increasingly common problem. Here is a list of some celebrities who have dealt with anxiety disorders.
Reading through my blog, I hope you will find some help. Also the blogs I have links to are ones that have helped me a lot. Read a Life Less Anxious, it has tons of good tips for mental well being that can be applied to anxiety disorders as well as any other tough situations you may face in life. Take it with a grain of salt though. It advises heavily against medication. Medication won't cure you on it's own, you have to apply changes to the way you think as well, but it has helped me. Consult a doctor. You don't have to see a specialist or anything so it doesn't have to cost a lot. As I said, it's a common enough problem that your general family doctor should be able to help you with it.
Best of luck and don't hesitate to reach out if you need support!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Make Your Own Good News
When you wake up in the morning you have the ability to decide if it's going to be a good day or a bad day. I had a boss once who said "Whether you think today is going to be a good day or a bad day, you're probably right." This quote has stuck with me through the years and helped me through some difficult days. It's very true. A sad person simply isn't going to become happy while they are already predicting sadness. So if you wake up and say "oh great. I have to go to work today and it's going to be awful!" it probably is going to be awful.
But why? You didn't know you had psychic powers to predict the outcome of your day. If you did you'd be using it more effectively! Well, it's not anything like that. People react to negative energy with negative energy and react to positive energy with positive energy. If you tell yourself it's going to be a bad day, you go into your day already with a frown and putting off other negative vibes that the people around you can pick up. The things you say will sound glum, your body language will give you away and people will react accordingly. Think about it. If someone is passing you in a hallway and they are smiling, are you more inclined to say hello to them than if they were frowning? Certainly. The people who may have a chance to help you be happy will avoid you if you walk around acting gloomy. You will be so convinced that nothing good is going to happen today, that when the opportunity for something good comes your way, you won't even see it.
But making that mental shift isn't that easy, I know. If you're feeling this way to begin with, there is probably something serious going on in your life to cause it. Often these things lie in the past. The best way to deal with this is to just leave the problems of yesterday where they belong, yesterday. Focus on today. Just because yesterday was horrible doesn't mean good can't come from today.
If the issues do lie in the present day, you may need to ask yourself "what can I do to deal with this so that tomorrow can be better." Allow yourself a good cry if that's what you need, go and do something that you enjoy in order to take your mind off of what's hurting you. Don't dwell! You can't make yourself completely not think about your problems, but try and cut those thoughts off and replace them with positive thoughts. If you're down because someone has hurt you maybe you could try to think of the people in your life who love you instead. The negative thoughts creeping into your mind is something that's tough to control. But TRUST ME, YOU CAN STOP THEM! Whether or not these thoughts are expanded upon and perpetuated is within your control. This happened to me literally 10 seconds ago. I got a message on my phone that reminded of a very sad recent memory. The thought crept in. It dug down into my core almost instantly the way only true heartbreak can, but before that thought expanded from one mental statement into a whole paragraph or a book, I just shifted. I did not allow it to stay and here I am writing again instead of lying in bed wailing "WHY? WHY? into my pillow.
When you are depressed and down, idle time is the enemy. You absolutely have to keep busy in order to remain positive. Accomplishing things will make you feel good, while dwelling and feeling sorry for yourself will only make you feel worse.
I woke up today with the conviction that it was going to be a good day, and it is a good day. If I had decided that it was going to be a bad day, it surely would be.
"Think of all the good times, instead of wish we could times." Nick Hexum
But why? You didn't know you had psychic powers to predict the outcome of your day. If you did you'd be using it more effectively! Well, it's not anything like that. People react to negative energy with negative energy and react to positive energy with positive energy. If you tell yourself it's going to be a bad day, you go into your day already with a frown and putting off other negative vibes that the people around you can pick up. The things you say will sound glum, your body language will give you away and people will react accordingly. Think about it. If someone is passing you in a hallway and they are smiling, are you more inclined to say hello to them than if they were frowning? Certainly. The people who may have a chance to help you be happy will avoid you if you walk around acting gloomy. You will be so convinced that nothing good is going to happen today, that when the opportunity for something good comes your way, you won't even see it.
But making that mental shift isn't that easy, I know. If you're feeling this way to begin with, there is probably something serious going on in your life to cause it. Often these things lie in the past. The best way to deal with this is to just leave the problems of yesterday where they belong, yesterday. Focus on today. Just because yesterday was horrible doesn't mean good can't come from today.
If the issues do lie in the present day, you may need to ask yourself "what can I do to deal with this so that tomorrow can be better." Allow yourself a good cry if that's what you need, go and do something that you enjoy in order to take your mind off of what's hurting you. Don't dwell! You can't make yourself completely not think about your problems, but try and cut those thoughts off and replace them with positive thoughts. If you're down because someone has hurt you maybe you could try to think of the people in your life who love you instead. The negative thoughts creeping into your mind is something that's tough to control. But TRUST ME, YOU CAN STOP THEM! Whether or not these thoughts are expanded upon and perpetuated is within your control. This happened to me literally 10 seconds ago. I got a message on my phone that reminded of a very sad recent memory. The thought crept in. It dug down into my core almost instantly the way only true heartbreak can, but before that thought expanded from one mental statement into a whole paragraph or a book, I just shifted. I did not allow it to stay and here I am writing again instead of lying in bed wailing "WHY? WHY? into my pillow.
When you are depressed and down, idle time is the enemy. You absolutely have to keep busy in order to remain positive. Accomplishing things will make you feel good, while dwelling and feeling sorry for yourself will only make you feel worse.
I woke up today with the conviction that it was going to be a good day, and it is a good day. If I had decided that it was going to be a bad day, it surely would be.
"Think of all the good times, instead of wish we could times." Nick Hexum
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