I vividly remember sitting on my bathroom floor, staring at the wall. The world was looking dark as can be. I was in the midst of a bout with a panic attack in my own home. Anxiety was tearing apart my life. I was essentially unable to leave home on my own without panicking. I wasn't eating right, or much at all. I wasn't sleeping well. I felt horrible about the toll this was taking on my relationship with my wife. I was depending on her for so much and that was not fair to her. I was positive that all of my career and life goals were now about as attainable as riding a dolphin to the moon. And I was quite sure that a normal life was surely beyond my reach. There didn't seem to be much point in anything.This was less than a year ago.
It was at that point, while sitting on my bathroom floor, that something dawned on me. Something that would change my life forever. As I was trying to dig through the gloomy haze of panic and find something to drag me up off of that floor, I thought about the future. I realized it was still there. Despite all of the pain I could still not see there not being a future. And something occurred to me. It was the thought that if I could get through THIS, the most impossible challenge I have ever faced in life, nothing could stop me. If I can find the strength to get up off that floor and go on, what other obstacles could possibly be waiting out there for me that are going to be tougher than this? Is a day at work going to present challenges that I can't handle? Surely not, if I can get through this.
I look at this day as the turning point in my battle with anxiety. I had hit my rock bottom. There wasn't anywhere left to go but up. I'd love to say that I just stood up, dusted myself off, and never looked back, but of course it wasn't that easy. There were bumps, hurdles, and setbacks all along the way and it was a slow and sometimes painful journey. But I've kept with it, and this vision of the future that came to on the floor that day has been what has gotten me through the hard times. I had resolved that I was going to see this through so that I could become the better, stronger person that I would never have been able to become without having this adversity put in my path.
Now I am still on this journey. I still live with anxiety. But it doesn't hinder me in my everyday life any longer. It simply reminds me to take care of myself and keep on moving. It's not nearly as debilitating as it once was and I am well on my way to achieving those dreams that were hatched that day on the floor in my bathroom. I'm on the other side of things.
"What if it were true that you weren't so blue?
And you felt like you could just do anything?
We're facing the sunset, and for a moment it
looks like it's rising, and we are on the other side of things."